My Birth Plan and What Really Happened
In the weeks prior to delivery, I typed up a birth plan and shared it with Doris Ann and my doctors. While I knew I wouldn't feel like a failure if I needed an epidural, I really wanted to have a natural delivery. Although I had a birth plan, I tried to not have any expectations because I knew I wouldn't be able to even imagine how childbirth felt.
As I approached my due date, I kept waiting for signs that labor was coming, but never felt any contractions that were alarming. At my 40 week appointment on Friday, I had an ultrasound where they estimated Luke to be about 9 and a half pounds which made me alarmed given my slight frame. I was disappointed to find out that I was barely dilated and there were no signs that Luke would be arriving any time soon.
That night, around 2am I finally lost my mucus plug and began to have contractions. The contractions continued all day Saturday, but were only between 7 and 10 minutes apart, and weren't that painful so I knew I still had a long way to go. I tried to stay busy all day and Brendan and I went out to dinner with some friends that night.
That night, I took some Benadryl and tried to get some sleep to rest up because I knew that labor would probably happen within the next few days. Sunday morning, I woke up about 3 in the morning with contractions ranging between 3 and 5 minutes apart and much more uncomfortable. I called Doris Ann to tell her what was going on and I woke Brendan up and he helped me into the bath tub which helped me relax a little bit. Around 9am Doris Ann came over and we spent some time laboring at home. My contractions were somewhat inconsistent and would occasionally space out to 7 minutes apart. We tried to kick start the labor process by walking and having me bounce on the birthing ball but it seemed like I was losing steam so Doris Ann left for a few hours and came back around 7pm. We decided that maybe I needed a change of scenery since I hadn't transitioned into a new stage of labor so we went to Gander Mountain and Target and walked around. While we were out, I started being unable to walk through my contractions as they got more painful and began squatting for them... which probably looked pretty weird to other shoppers. Once we got back from Target, we made the decision that I should give my doctor a call since my contractions had been 3 minutes apart for several hours.
My doctor told me to go into the hospital so they could check and see if I was progressing. When I got to the hospital at about 10pm, I was 4cm dialated and 70% effaced so they admitted me and sent me up to the labor and delivery floor. Once I got up there, I continued to labor, bouncing on the birthing ball, standing next to the bed, and squatting during contractions. At about 2am, they checked my cervix again and although I had been laboring for a long time, I hadn't dilated any more than when I had arrived at the hospital, and we began discussing them breaking my water and the use of Pitocin to augment labor. We also decided that since it seemed my labor would be pretty long, it might be smart to get a mild sedative in an IV to help let me sleep between contractions so I could be rested for when it was time to push.
I got the sedative around 3am when they also broke my water, it was nice to be able to relax during contractions even if it was only for a few minutes. About an hour later, they gave me my first dose of Pitocin and my contractions became a lot stronger and more painful. Later on, I was given a higher dose of Pitocin and by 7:30 in the morning I had been in excruciating pain for quite some time and we noticed that Luke had passed his first stool in utero. When the doctor came in and checked me, I had only dilated 1 cm since I had entered the hospital almost 10 hours prior. At this point both Doris Ann and I agreed that something needed to change for me to be able to dilate to 10 cm and I knew that I would not be able to continue being in this amount of pain for another 10 hours (which was a pretty reasonable estimate for how long I would continue to labor) and still be able to push. We decided that maybe an epidural would help my body relax and dilate, and honestly at that point some pain relief was very welcome, so I got an epidural at about 8am.
As the epidural kicked in, I was able to relax and get some sleep, but the doctor and nurses noticed that while I was laying down, Luke's heart rate wasn't going up the way it was supposed to after contractions. We tried to switch positions and have me lay on different sides to correct the problem, but his heart rate just wasn't rising fast enough. At this point the doctor came in and we began to discuss the possibility of a c-section. After another 10 minutes or so at about 10am, it became evident that his heart rate would continue to have trouble regulating and the medical staff prepared me for a c-section.
The anesthesiologist came back in and turned my epidural into a spinal block, and they wheeled me into the ER. Once I was prepped, they allowed Brendan in to sit by my head as they gave me the c-section. It was less than three minutes after they began the surgery that I heard Luke's cry. Brendan kept telling me he sounded like a little baby bird. Since I was unable to move, the anesthesiologist took my phone and took some photos of Luke to show me as they examined him to make sure everything was okay. After they saw that he seemed normal, they gave him to Brendan and he laid him next to my head so I could see him before he walked him to the nursery. Afterwards, they stitched me up and brought me into recovery while they monitored me for about an hour and a half. Eventually, they wheeled me to my hospital room and a few minutes later they brought Luke in, and finally after two hours I got to hold my baby.
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| This is the first photo/glimpse I got of Luke |
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| This is what real people look like after a day and night of labor. |
It turned out that the reason I wasn't dilating was because Luke's head was turned to the side and it would have been difficult, if not impossible for me to deliver him that way. The c-section also turned out to be a blessing because his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, which could have been a big problem.
Looking back on the experience, I'm glad that I tried to labor for as long as I did because I know that I am able to handle the pain. I think that I used pain relief the way it is meant to be used and I don't feel like I would have done anything differently. Of course, I am disappointed that I had to have a c-section, but I think it was inevitable.
The parts that were the hardest for me came after Luke was born. I was devastated that he couldn't be placed on my chest in those first precious moments after he was born and was unreasonably jealous that other people were holding him and I was stuck strapped to a table. Later in the hospital, I was frustrated that I was unable to do anything except nurse him and even needed Brendan, my mom, or the nurses help latching him. I suffered from feelings of failure and inadequacy. I couldn't even get out of bed to shower or use the restroom without someone holding my arm, it was embarrassing and humbling to be so helpless I found myself constantly apologizing whenever I needed help and fighting back hot tears of embarrassment. Luckily, Brendan, our families, and the hospital staff were sensitive to my feelings and always helped me with a smile.
At the end of the day, my goal for childbirth were to have a healthy baby and mother, and on Thursday morning, Luke and I were wheeled out of the hospital healthy and happy. I could never hate my birth experience because, at the end of it I received a little miracle named Luke.
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