Are you new here?

I decided to write this post after having spent the past few years getting acquainted with the subtle nuances of Army life. I am definitely no expert, but these pieces of advice are what I have felt have helped me embrace this journey. I will say that so far, I am one of the lucky ones, Brendan has not been deployed yet and our longest separation has only (I know to civilians this is abnormal to say only right now) been six months. I have an immense amount of respect and admiration for my friends and those military spouses I don't know who have kept the home fires burning during long (and usually multiple) delployments.

Hi, you must be new,

I might not know you but I feel like I do. I was you only three short years ago. In the grand scheme of things I'm still new. I don't know everything, but I do know how you feel. You are probably miles away from friends and family (because Army posts aren't usually located in convenient locations). You might be in a new area of the country or even in a different country getting used to not only the culture shock but also the subtle differences between the civilian world and this new military world. You are doing this while your husband leaves you alone in this strange place for a few weeks for training or possibly for a 9 month deployment. I want you to know you're not alone; Even though you probably feel very alone right now. I also want to give you some pieces of advice that I wish I had taken from the beginning in hopes that it will make it easier for you.

Plug in. Plug in no matter if you're going to be there for 3 months or 3 years. Get involved with the FRG or ask your husband to introduce you to the wives of his married co-workers, get involved at your church. When we first moved to Ft. Benning, I was determined to steer clear of the dreaded FRG that I had heard so many horror stories about and was convinced I had enough friends and didn't need any more. I was wrong. Although we were only there for a year, I ended up making some of by best friends during that year. When you move somewhere and then your husband is gone for 10 out of the next 16 weeks, then for 6 months straight. You need friends; and more importantly you need friends that understand and that are going through the same thing. Don't believe what you hear about FRG's or other army wives, I mean you're pretty normal right? There have to be other normal wives for you to hang out with. Plus, when they say "it's a small army" they're right. Chances are you'll run into some of these women again.

Ask for help when you need it, give help when you can. Being far away from family can be frustrating and sometimes life doesn't happen when it's convenient. Babies seem to have a way of being born as soon as you move to a new area or while husbands are deployed, and things have a tendency of breaking as soon as our husbands head to the field for a week. If someone offers to help, accept it, and if you see someone in need of a meal, a lawn mowed or just a bottle of wine and a shoulder to lean on, be that person. You'll learn quickly that the army is a family and just as our husbands take care of their guys and we take care of our own too.

If you don't know, ask. There is nothing wrong with not knowing something whether it be an acronym (how are we supposed to know that DONSA stands for "day of no significant activity" aka a day off?) or what to wear to a social gathering (each unit varies depending on the preferences of the commander and his wife). I still ask a million questions about everything.

Try not to get angry with your husband for circumstances he can't control. It's frustrating after a long week when your husband calls you and says he has to go in on a Saturday, or when it seems like his phone rings as soon as you fall asleep and he has to get up and go back to work. Try not to get mad at him, chances are he isn't pleased about it either. Sometimes it's hard to keep things in perspective when we look at their training calendars and realize they will be gone more weeks than home over the next few months. It's hard to remember that chances are, they didn't make the schedule, and the importance of their training. It's something I struggle with, especially now with having a baby that misses his daddy and a mama that sometimes just needs a break, but when I get upset I try to remember that Brendan misses us too.

Don't be offended when you realize that your husband wants to deploy. This is a tough one. For the most part, our husbands want to deploy, especially if they haven't yet (from what I've heard the novelty wears off after the first time around). The way it was explained to me was: imagine training every day for years for a marathon that you never get to run. That's what they feel like sometimes. The fact that they want to deploy doesn't translate into, "I want to leave you behind for nine months," even though we sometimes can twist it into that. Our guys are a rare breed that take pride in their job of defending our country, so as much as we want them here you have to understand and respect their desire to serve overseas.

Always remember what it felt like to be "the new girl". The best thing about the military community is people are always so welcoming and it's easy to connect if you want to. I think this is because since we move so often that everyone remembers what it's like to be the new people in town. That mutual experience quickly turns strangers into friends and friends into family. So in a year or even six months when you spot someone looking a little lost and out of place, remember that you were them not so long ago, and in a couple of years you will probably be them again.

Don't get frustrated or jealous if some of your non military friends don't understand. Sometimes it's hard to explain for what seems like the millionth time why your husband is gone again, or why it's easier to reschedule things (like weddings) than hope the army will give you time off. Chances are if they're asking questions it's their way of trying to figure out how best to help you, so try to express your needs to them. It's easy to sometimes be jealous of our friends who can actually choose where they live and seem to have endless quality time with their spouses, but different isn't always better. The grass is always greener, right? The Army isn't forever. Eventually you will be able to choose where you live and will have time to spend together. Embrace where you are now and enjoy the time you do have.

Always make your marriage your number one priority. Unfortunately sometimes our husbands have to put the needs of the Army in front of the needs of their families. It's frustrating, and sometimes you might even feel like your husband is mentally checked out of the relationship and constantly in another place. These are the times when you must be the one to press into the marriage even more and remind your husband that you will be there long after he ends his time in the army. Often you might feel like you are giving more of yourself than he is, but that is what marriage was designed to be. Love is not a conditional thing, you cannot love someone because of what it gives you, you have to love them regardless of what they are able to give at the time. Although this is difficult, I feel extremely blessed to be in a situation that really shows me what unconditional love looks like lived out.

I hope that you will take some of this advice and that it helps you feel less overwhelmed. Marriage is great, and so is being a military spouse. You will get to travel the world and have the adventure of a lifetime with the love of your life! So have fun creating your memories and enjoy everyone you meet along the way.

Why We Decided to Move

So, as I mentioned in my earlier post this week, Brendan and I made the decision to move into a larger house at the end of this month. As I had said before, we absolutely love the house that we are in now. It's in a small neighborhood really close to where Brendan works on a lake. It's an older 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house, but the owner completely gut renovated the inside so it's really cozy. We have a fenced in backyard that has been awesome for our dogs, and we like the fact that all the living space is open. The kitchen has a window that opens into the dining area which is great for when we are entertaining so I don't feel left out in the kitchen, and the dining area and sunken living room are separated by a half wall so no matter where you are in the living space, it's easy to talk to everyone. Our favorite room is the living room, the walls are painted green and we love the stone fireplace and floors.

This is the outside of our house

This is a photo of our living room at Christmas last year

So, if we like this house so much why did we decide to move?

As it got closer to the time where we would have to re-sign our lease, and I got more pregnant and began to register for baby items, I began to wonder where we would put the extra items that came along with a baby.  The room that was once our office turned into the baby room which meant that we moved our huge desk into the living room, and since I will probably be doing some work from home once Luke is born, I began to try and figure out where he would be while I was working on the computer and realized it would be hard to even fit a swing into our living room without it being cluttered. Then I began to wonder where we would put bigger items, like a stroller... probably right in the middle of the entrance. We don't have a garage, so this week when Brendan was packing his army stuff, we used the baby room... which probably wont work that well in a few months. Basically we are bursting at the seams in this house with just the two of us and I can for-see it only getting worse.

On top of the space issue, there were a few other things that I was concerned about (I'm already a crazy mom.) The first thing was that our neighborhood is pretty small and off a main road, which limits my access to places I can walk and jog with a stroller when leaving straight from the house. This wasn't a huge issue, but it was something that Brendan and I both desired if we were going to make a move. The second issue was the dogs... while the open floor plan is great for us now, but there is really no way to section them off into a certain area of the house, and while I know that they would never intentionally hurt Luke, I get concerned that they might paw at him by accident and scratch him so it would be nice to be able to section them off into a certain area of the house instead of our only options being their crates or outside. The last thing that concerned me was the sunken living room, its about two and a half feet lower than the rest of the house. While I'm not as concerned about Luke falling down stairs once he starts walking and crawling, I am concerned about the fact that there is no railing on one side of the living room, just a two and a half foot drop off, and that the half wall separating the dining room from living room is the perfect height for a curious little guy to climb up. 

With these things in mind, Brendan and I discussed the possibility of moving. We had a few parameters we laid out. We knew we didn't need a huge house, just one with a little extra space in the right areas, and preferably a garage. We also knew we liked the location of our house and its proximity to Brendan's work as well as to my job. We didn't feel pressured to move so if we didn't find something that fit our needs, we were okay with staying where we are.

Over the course of the week, I narrowed our search down to 6 houses for us to check out last Friday on Brendan's day off. Most of them I found on AHRN.com ,which is a website specifically for military families to look for off-post housing. I like this website because not only can you do a search by your BAH (Basic Allotment for Housing) budget, you can also narrow the search down by zip codes, and certain features such as pet friendly. On Friday we set out and went and toured the houses. The first five we looked at were okay, but not exactly what we were looking for, and not something we were willing to move out of our house for. Then we went to the last house.

Come October, this will be our new home!

I actually found this house one afternoon when I was walking with my friend Tracey in a neighborhood near our houses. It had a "For Rent" sign on it, but I couldn't find any info on it online, so I just took a photo of the sign and called the phone number. This was totally a God thing, because the house hadn't even been officially up for rent yet because the previous tenants just moved out. The property manager agreed to show us the house, warning us it wouldn't be ready until the end of the month because they still needed to paint some things and make some repairs... which was perfect for us because we couldn't move until the end of the month either!

The house was in an area that was preferable to ours because I could walk more than 6 miles without getting to a main road. It's still on the lake, which makes me happy because for some reason I just love walking near water. The fenced in back yard has a 7 foot privacy fence all around it which is great for the dogs and will be awesome for next summer with Luke. While the inside isn't as quaint as our house now... it has some pretty bad wallpaper... it is definitely do-able and I'm sure we will be able to work around it. The big reasons why we chose to move to the house other than the neighborhood was the garage, and the fact that it had a formal dining room off of the kitchen that could be turned into an office and playroom, plus an added bonus is that the kitchen is spacious enough that if we wanted to gate it off, the dogs would have plenty of space to hang out in there if we want some dog-free time.

I struggled a lot when it came time to actually make the decision to give our 30 days notice and sign a lease for this house. I mentioned earlier that I really do like the owners of this house, in fact, when we moved in they had left some flowers and a bottle of wine with a note welcoming us and have been really great ever since. I kept asking myself if I was being materialistic since we had much more space here than some families could even dream of. Brendan and I went back and forth and ended up calling the property manager of the new house to see if she could let us take a second look at it before we signed the lease. Finally we made the decision and we gave our 30 days notice, and I felt like I had just broken up with a boyfriend. I couldn't sleep that night because I just felt so guilty... it's so much easier to tell people you're moving out because your husband got re-stationed than because you found a different house!

In the end, I really am excited to move, and right now maybe more excited to get this move over with! I know the next few weeks will be stressful with packing and then unpacking, but honestly I would rather do this pregnant than with a baby, so as long as I keep reminding myself of that I think I will be okay! Anyways, if you're still reading this, congrats! I think when Brendan is gone, my posts tend to be more rambling since I have less people to talk to!

Labor Day Weekend and 21 Weeks

Happy Fall! ... Sort of. It's still in the low 90's here and probably will stay that way for a while so it really doesn't feel like fall. We had a great Labor Day weekend, and hope you did too!

Abigail had a great Labor Day, if you can't tell by the look of joy on her face.

On Friday we woke up and had breakfast and coffee together, which is one of my favorite things to do... I make us a big batch of scrambled eggs with tomatoes, onions and cheese and put it on one plate with 2 forks so we can sit on the bench together and eat it! We don't get to do it a ton because Brendan works out and does a Bible study with a friend Saturday Mornings while I usually walk with a friend or go to a Women's Bible study too, and we never wake up with enough time on Sundays before Church for me to actually make a decent breakfast... Anyways, I really like breakfasts with the husband when we can manage to fit them in.

After breakfast, Brendan and I set out to look at a few houses... Our lease is up October 1 and as much as we adore our house, we just aren't sure that there is enough space for all the things that come along with a baby. It has been a stressful decision because not only do we love our house, but we also really like the owners (it would be so much easier to move if they weren't so great!), but on Saturday after finding a house that has just a little more space with a formal dining room we can turn into an office/playroom and a garage to hold Brendan's army equipment we decided we would be making a move. I will probably be writing a full post on this later in the week, but if anyone needs a cute little 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house in a quiet neighborhood with a fenced in yard, ours is available and I have a feeling we will miss it's coziness dearly!

On Saturday Morning, Brendan went to work out and I went to my ladies Bible study. This Bible study is mostly a group of young women from our church, we used to get together and run 2 or 3 miles then have coffee and a light breakfast while doing the study, but somewhere along the way, people started getting pregnant or something and we just skipped the running part. This week was the last week of the study we have been doing since February through the book of 1 Samuel and the beginning of 2 Samuel. It has been so wonderful to connect with other women on such a deep level and to be able to share in each other's burdens and joys. I'm excited to restart with a new book in a month or so.

The rest of the weekend, we really spent just hanging around and preparing for Brendan to head back into the field. We were actually up until about midnight last night making sure he had all of his equipment straight... well he was making sure... I was mostly dozing off on the couch and getting a few items for him when he asked.

In other exciting news: PUMPKIN SPICE IS AT STARBUCKS! I like pumpkin everything... the color, pies, muffins and coffee... especially the coffee. So this was a great way to start my Monday even if Brendan did leave again for another 2 weeks.

Don't worry pregnancy police... it's the smallest one they have.

Ok Bump Update!

is it just me, or does this shirt make me look not as pregnant? if so, I'll take one in every color!

How far along? 21 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: still haven't hopped on the scale recently. i'm guessing 10lbs
Maternity clothes? nothing new,but I told Brendan that he should probably expect some purchases next month... I tried to wear a sun dress to church this weekend, but it looked like a long T-Shirt.
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: not so much. I've had pretty bad stomach pains all week.
Best moment this week: watching a movie with my husband and him NOT falling alseep!
Miss Anything? sleeping and being able to bend down to get stuff without grunting.
Movement: Brendan felt Luke kick! He's been swimming around a lot more!
Food cravings: pumpkin spice latte... CHECK! and cheesecake... but I refuse to indulge that one.
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: if you mean do I look like a bowling ball is growing out of my stomach.. then yes.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? I'm not sure, I am venturing more on the side of out...
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, but sleepy.
Looking forward to: Doctor's appointment on Thursday, Florida, and getting this move over with!

Raising Ebeneezers

I am poured out like water,

and all my bones are out of joint;

my heart is like wax;

it is melted within my breast;

Psalm 22:14

Have you ever gone through a season in your life that downright sucks? I have and I'm going through it now. I have definitely been struggling with some spiritual warfare. This has played itself out internally and also externally into my relationship with my husband. I must admit that during this time, I have not always looked to God for comfort and strength when I should have, in fact I have been pointedly having short conversations with no depth with Him because I honestly have no idea what to say. I have been spending most of my time trying to find my own way out of this hole I dug for myself feeling spiritually dry and abandoned.

Yet, while I have been ignoring God, he has been speaking to me so loudly that I can no longer ignore what He is trying to tell me. In my women's bible study, we have been going through 1 Samuel. A few weeks ago we were in chapter 7 where Samuel places a stone of help or Ebeneezer as a monument to what God has done for His people. Similarly, last week at church, we discussed the life of Joshua, particularly chapter 4 of the Book of Joshua in which the Lord commanded him to have the men take and make a tribute of the 12 stones in the middle of the Jordan river where it had been cut off so that they could flee.

And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.” Joshua 4:21-24

Over the past few days, the idea of monuments to God's faithfulness have stuck in my head. I am so forgetful that in the valleys of my life, I forget to revisit the gifts that have been given to me by God when in fact I should not only be revisiting them, but sharing them with others to declare God's love and faithfulness. So the past few days I have been coming up with a few memorials of my own and here they are:

I met my husband when we both were not Christians,  when he left for Ranger School, we were still not Christians, God used the next 6 months of separation to place people who spoke Truth into our lives and lead us both to Christ separately, yet simultaneously. One of my sweetest memories is the first time we prayed together, I had tears streaming down my face.

When I was at my lowest and extremely critical and cynical, God placed a community of Christians who loved me despite my unbelief and who spoke and continue to speak boldly to me about my need for Jesus

A week before our wedding celebration, Brendan and I made the decision to get baptized. He was baptized first and then as the leader of our Christ-centered family, baptized me.

After moving to Fayetteville and leaving out church family in Georgia behind, we wondered if we would ever find a church as special as Crosspointe. It just so happened that the first church we visited in North Carolina has become our home and family. It's filled with other followers of Christ who encourage us and spur on our pursuit of the Gospel.

I need to point out that all of these amazing testaments to God's love for me have happened within the past year, yet somehow along the way I forgot about them. I am going to make it a point to continue to place memorials of God's faithfulness in places that I can go when I am feeling empty, and encourage you to do the same!

The Slippery Slope

Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you. Deuteronomy 6:13–14

Often, when I think of idolatry I think of the worldly things that can get in the way of following Christ, but lately I have found that the idols I have struggled with the most are myself, and my relationships. Throughout the past few months I have felt disconnected, and had wondered why. I felt like I was doing the right things by seeking community with other Christians, joining small groups, and bearing witness to friends and family, yet still I felt disconnected, somewhat out of control and without purpose. 

This past weekend, while Brendan was in the field, I decided to go to Columbus, GA and visit my friends from my previous church, and over the course of the weekend I became aware of just how little I was serving God. When I had moved to Fayetteville from Columbus, I had felt a hole in my heart from the community of believers that I had left, and while I got involved with a church here, I constantly felt a twinge of longing to move back to Columbus. 

As I spent time with my friends, I spoke to them about my church in Fayetteville and all the blessings it has given us so far and found myself reflecting on all the miracles God has brought into our life since our move and was amazed at how quickly they had been forgotten. I realized that when I got to Fayetteville, I became self-reliant again and I basically looked to God and said, “Thanks for saving me, but I can handle it from here. I’ll find a church, find community and I’ll be ok.” My quiet time with God plummeted, and though I was talking about Him, I wasn’t really spending a lot of time talking to Him. As one of the ladies reminded me that God had placed us in Fayetteville for a reason and that we are to be lights in the world, I wondered how great of a light I had been lately. The answer was: not a very good one.

I thought about how little I just sit and read the Bible and rest in the Lord, and how often I have conversations about things I need prayer for, yet pray for those things so little. I suddenly realized how slippery the slope of idolatry was. It’s easy to recognize idolatry when you place work over God, or when you prefer to read a tabloid instead of the Bible. It gets a little less obvious when it’s as simple as basing your relationship with God on the church you attend or the relationships you have with other Christians. 

I’m not saying that going to a church and having a community of believers isn’t important. What I am saying is that it’s not important so that you feel connected and special, it’s because having Christians encouraging, loving and supporting each other makes the glory of God shine. God showed me that relationships, even with other Christians are empty unless God is at the center of them, and how impossible it is to have a God glorifying relationship with anyone unless we spend time alone with Him resting in his grace and truth.

Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:19-25

New Beginnings

So, the two weeks following our wedding were very busy to put it mildly. On Monday we flew back to Georgia and began to pack up our apartment to get ready to leave for North Carolina on Friday. It was a bittersweet week. We both were excited to get settled down in North Carolina, but had really come to love Columbus, especially our church family.

On Wednesday we had our final community group meeting before we left, and as I took my seat in between Brendan and my friend Lyndsay, I looked around the room and felt a great sense of gratefulness, and loss at the same time. Having those two seemingly opposite feelings together is something that I had never truly experienced before. These feelings stayed throughout the meeting, and as they prayed over Brendan and me at the end of our time together, with tears streaming down my face, I found peace in the words our friends were saying. As they asked for God to go with us to North Carolina, I could feel His presence comforting me through my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

By Friday morning (after a marathon of packing and cleaning until 3am) we were on the road to North Carolina. 

Our apartment looks so empty!!

We arrived by about 8pm and anxiously opened the door to our new home! That night we blew up our air mattress and planned our day for Saturday. The next day, we excitedly bought a bed, a couch, and a washer and dryer... all to be delivered Monday. Luckily Sunday we were able to pick up a kitchen table and chairs so we at least had somewhere to sit other than on the floor or air mattress! Monday, our stuff arrived and it was heaven... Until Tuesday. 

our new home!

Most of our furniture that we are using in our house and all of our wedding gifts were at my parent's house in Connecticut, so Tuesday morning we flew up to get it. We got to Connecticut at about 5pm and immediately loaded up the moving truck so we could get an early start the next morning. After loading 10,000 pounds of stuff and spending about 2 hours with my parents we went to sleep to make sure we were rested for our 12 hour drive the next day. Long story short, about 32 hours after we left North Carolina we were back again with a house full of things in a truck! Thursday we unpacked the truck and Friday at 2:00am we headed back to the airport to depart for a much needed honeymoon!!!

one item we brought from my parents house was a canoe, Brendan is obviously thrilled.

The Honeymoon!!

Originally, we were unsure whether or not we would have the time or money to go on a honeymoon, so we didn’t book it until about a week before we left. Luckily, Brendan e-mailed a travel agent who we have used before and gave him our parameters for time and money.

IT WAS PERFECT. We flew into sunny Mexico on Friday and were greeted with cool towels and water bottles and driven in a private SUV to our resort. The resort was beautiful and the staff was great. We only left the resort one day to go to see the Mayan ruins at Tulum and snorkeling at Xel-Ha (totally worth the extra money!)  

It was an awesome opportunity for Brendan and I to take a little time out from the circus that has been our lives for the past year and just really spend some time together. We received Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon for a gift from a member of our community group and started making a point to read it together in the morning and evening.

 I had never fully understood why people took honeymoons until we did. This was really the only chance that we have had to connect without distractions from the outside world. Without cell phones, internet, friends, work and anything else to divert our attention, we were focused on each other. Although we see each other every day, there are always things that can get in our way from spending quality time together. I think that having this experience to revisit and to help us remember the important things. While we might not be able to go to Mexico every year, I’m considering having an off the grid weekend every year (if Brendan’s work would allow it).

our last night, and the only night we stayed up past 9pm... yes we are old!

before dinner one night

at the beach, steps away from our resort

overlooking the Mayan ruins of Tulum

New Beginnings 

After 5 days in paradise, we came home and began to get settled into our new life. It’s crazy to think that 14 months before, we were just getting settled in Georgia. This time it felt different though. As we unpacked the boxes I felt like we were unpacking a home instead of a house. As I put up framed photos of our friends from around the country, I felt nostalgic but not sad.

This is a new beginning for Brendan and I. A year ago our life was fine by most standards, but we did not know God. Now, although the road ahead won’t be easy, we know that He walks with us wherever we go, and we will withstand whatever may come through our faith and trust in Him.

 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12