Great Expectations

Two Months!

OK, so here we are again! I can hardly contain myself! Two months from today I will be walking down the aisle towards this guy!!!

I am SO excited for the wedding, but even more than that I am even more thrilled that regardless of what happens Brendan will be home soon! I'm trying so hard not to get ahead of myself because I know that soon is still not yet! I just miss spending time with him and being myself. I feel like I'm missing half of me when he's gone.

As I write this, Brendan is in the swamps of Florida getting ready to begin his final field problem of Ranger School. It's 10 days which is the longest of any field problem and includes some movements through the swamps. I just pray that he is able to stay strong through these last days and continue to rely on the Lord.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God.

Isaiah 43: 2-3

Great Expectations

I said something about our wedding being right around the corner at work yesterday and my boss asked me if Brendan would definitely make this date... My response was that he better or else I was going to start wearing my wedding dress to work. That got me thinking of the character Miss. Havisham from Charles Dickens' book Great Expectations who wore her wedding dress all the time until she was like 80. Hopefully I don't get left at the altar like her and wear my wedding dress until I'm 80 and then get burned in it also... ha.

Seriously though, when I was thinking about the book title... "Great Expectations", I started thinking about all of the expectations we build into marriage. Expectations of 2.5 kids and a dog named Spot, or of economic prosperity, or even just of perpetual happiness with no problems. How often do people marry other people for what they expect them to become rather than who they are at that moment?

The past six months, Brendan and I haven't been able to communicate regularly on the phone and the only sort of regular communication we have is through snail mail. Aside from letting each other know how we're doing, a lot of our letters involve talking about the future. We talk about trips we want to take, aspects of our relationship we want to improve on, and just things we want to do together. In many ways, I think this is awesome. We have both had time apart to prepare our hearts to spend the rest of our lives together. I feel like that is a great thing. There are a few areas here that are a little concerning for me, though.

First, Brendan has been under extreme physical and mental strain for 6 months, when he gets home he is going to want food and couch. As much as this list that we're making of places we want to go and things we want to do is amazing we need to be realistic and put it off until after he recovers. After talking with some of my friends who have been in similar situations, they agreed that a huge issue when their husbands came home was just making sure they allowed them enough time to recover.

Second, it's really easy after not seeing someone for a long time and only communicating via letters to remember that you are entering into a union with someone who is as imperfect as you are. Every time I read a letter from Brendan I thank God for giving me such a wonderful man, and I will continue to thank Him every day, but I also need to realize that Brendan is just that... a man. He will make mistakes and so will I, neither one of us is perfect and we have to make sure our expectations fit that because otherwise we will be in for a rude awakening. Adjusting back to life together will not be easy although it seems like it will be now. I know that I've been able to be selfish with my free time the past 6 months without having to worry about coordinating with him, and I know that the problems we were working through before Ranger School will not have automatically disappeared. I think that just knowing and realizing these things will make life so much easier once Brendan gets back home.

All these expectations we set shouldn't be our primary focus or the thing that concerns us the most. The one thing that has sustained us while we were apart was our faith in Christ, that shouldn't change once we are together again. We cannot fall into the false idea that because things are easier that we no longer need God. In John Piper's book This Momentary Marriage, he talks about adjusting our priorities in marriage and said this:

"If we make secondary things primary, they cease to be secondary and become idolatrous. They have their place. But they are not first, and they are not guaranteed. Life is precarious, and even if it is long by human standards, it is short. "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes" (James 4:14). "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring" (Prov. 27:1).

So it is with marriage. It is a momentary gift. It may last a lifetime, or it may be snatched away on the honeymoon. Either way, it is short. It may have many bright days, or it may be covered with clouds. If we make secondary things primary, we will be embittered at the sorrows we must face. But if we set our face to make of marriage mainly what God designed it to be, no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way."

I believe that all of our expectations and hopes for the future are important and I hope that we get to fulfill all of them. I realize though that our relationship with God and our relationship with each other will give us more happiness than any material thing could.

Ranger School is not the last time in our life where we will be separated for long periods of time, Brendan is in the Army for at least 8 years and it would be naive for me to think that he will not be deployed during that time. I know that we will endure through every trial that we are given.

 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV