My Birth Story

When it comes to having a baby, you can plan everything out... but then real life happens. The same was true for me with labor and delivery. Leading up to my due date, I spent a lot of time researching and talking with other moms about labor and my options for pain management. In the end, I had decided that I would like to try to have an unmedicated birth with the assistance of my husband and a doula. For those of you who aren't sure what a doula is, it's fine, I wasn't either. A doula is basically another advocate for the mother, mine was available 24/7 for questions before I went into labor, during labor she was there to talk me through contractions, help me relax, and understand my options, and was available afterwards for help with breastfeeding and normal newborn questions. I had several fiends that did unmedicated births recommend having a doula to assist me and to give Brendan a break as my labor progressed and 3 separate people ended up recommending the same one, Doris Ann. After Brendan and I met with her, we agreed that hiring Doris Ann would give me the best shot of having the birth experience that I wanted.

My Birth Plan and What Really Happened

In the weeks prior to delivery, I typed up a birth plan and shared it with Doris Ann and my doctors. While I knew I wouldn't feel like a failure if I needed an epidural, I really wanted to have a natural delivery. Although I had a birth plan, I tried to not have any expectations because I knew I wouldn't be able to even imagine how childbirth felt.

As I approached my due date, I kept waiting for signs that labor was coming, but never felt any contractions that were alarming. At my 40 week appointment on Friday, I had an ultrasound where they estimated Luke to be about 9 and a half pounds which made me alarmed given my slight frame. I was disappointed to find out that I was barely dilated and there were no signs that Luke would be arriving any time soon. 

That night, around 2am I finally lost my mucus plug and began to have contractions. The contractions continued all day Saturday, but were only between 7 and 10 minutes apart, and weren't that painful so I knew I still had a long way to go. I tried to stay busy all day and Brendan and I went out to dinner with some friends that night. 

That night, I took some Benadryl and tried to get some sleep to rest up because I knew that labor would probably happen within the next few days. Sunday morning, I woke up about 3 in the morning with contractions ranging between 3 and 5 minutes apart and much more uncomfortable. I called Doris Ann to tell her what was going on and I woke Brendan up and he helped me into the bath tub which helped me relax a little bit. Around 9am Doris Ann came over and we spent some time laboring at home. My contractions were somewhat inconsistent and would occasionally space out to 7 minutes apart. We tried to kick start the labor process by walking and having me bounce on the birthing ball but it seemed like I was losing steam so Doris Ann left for a few hours and came back around 7pm. We decided that maybe I needed a change of scenery since I hadn't transitioned into a new stage of labor so we went to Gander Mountain and Target and walked around. While we were out, I started being unable to walk through my contractions as they got more painful and began squatting for them... which probably looked pretty weird to other shoppers. Once we got back from Target, we made the decision that I should give my doctor a call since my contractions had been 3 minutes apart for several hours. 

My doctor told me to go into the hospital so they could check and see if I was progressing. When I got to the hospital at about 10pm, I was 4cm dialated and 70% effaced so they admitted me and sent me up to the labor and delivery floor. Once I got up there, I continued to labor, bouncing on the birthing ball, standing next to the bed, and squatting during contractions. At about 2am, they checked my cervix again and although I had been laboring for a long time, I hadn't dilated any more than when I had arrived at the hospital, and we began discussing them breaking my water and the use of Pitocin to augment labor. We also decided that since it seemed my labor would be pretty long, it might be smart to get a mild sedative in an IV to help let me sleep between contractions so I could be rested for when it was time to push.

I got the sedative around 3am when they also broke my water, it was nice to be able to relax during contractions even if it was only for a few minutes. About an hour later, they gave me my first dose of Pitocin and my contractions became a lot stronger and more painful. Later on, I was given a higher dose of Pitocin and by 7:30 in the morning I had been in excruciating pain for quite some time and we noticed that Luke had passed his first stool in utero. When the doctor came in and checked me, I had only dilated 1 cm since I had entered the hospital almost 10 hours prior. At this point both Doris Ann and I agreed that something needed to change for me to be able to dilate to 10 cm and I knew that I would not be able to continue being in this amount of pain for another 10 hours (which was a pretty reasonable estimate for how long I would continue to labor) and still be able to push. We decided that maybe an epidural would help my body relax and dilate, and honestly at that point some pain relief was very welcome, so I got an epidural at about 8am.

As the epidural kicked in, I was able to relax and get some sleep, but the doctor and nurses noticed that while I was laying down, Luke's heart rate wasn't going up the way it was supposed to after contractions. We tried to switch positions and have me lay on different sides to correct the problem, but his heart rate just wasn't rising fast enough. At this point the doctor came in and we began to discuss the possibility of a c-section. After another 10 minutes or so at about 10am, it became evident that his heart rate would continue to have trouble regulating and the medical staff prepared me for a c-section.

The anesthesiologist came back in and turned my epidural into a spinal block, and they wheeled me into the ER. Once I was prepped, they allowed Brendan in to sit by my head as they gave me the c-section. It was less than three minutes after they began the surgery that I heard Luke's cry. Brendan kept telling me he sounded like a little baby bird. Since I was unable to move, the anesthesiologist took my phone and took some photos of Luke to show me as they examined him to make sure everything was okay. After they saw that he seemed normal, they gave him to Brendan and he laid him next to my head so I could see him before he walked him to the nursery. Afterwards, they stitched me up and brought me into recovery while they monitored me for about an hour and a half. Eventually, they wheeled me to my hospital room and a few minutes later they brought Luke in, and finally after two hours I got to hold my baby.

This is the first photo/glimpse I got of Luke

This is what real people look like after a day and night of labor.

It turned out that the reason I wasn't dilating was because Luke's head was turned to the side and it would have been difficult, if not impossible for me to deliver him that way. The c-section also turned out to be a blessing because his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, which could have been a big problem.

Looking back on the experience, I'm glad that I tried to labor for as long as I did because I know that I am able to handle the pain. I think that I used pain relief the way it is meant to be used and I don't feel like I would have done anything differently. Of course, I am disappointed that I had to have a c-section, but I think it was inevitable. 

The parts that were the hardest for me came after Luke was born. I was devastated that he couldn't be placed on my chest in those first precious moments after he was born and was unreasonably jealous that other people were holding him and I was stuck strapped to a table. Later in the hospital, I was frustrated that I was unable to do anything except nurse him and even needed Brendan, my mom, or the nurses help latching him. I suffered from feelings of failure and inadequacy. I couldn't even get out of bed to shower or use the restroom without someone holding my arm, it was embarrassing and humbling to be so helpless I found myself constantly apologizing whenever I needed help and fighting back hot tears of embarrassment. Luckily, Brendan, our families, and the hospital staff were sensitive to my feelings and always helped me with a smile.

At the end of the day, my goal for childbirth were to have a healthy baby and mother, and on Thursday morning, Luke and I were wheeled out of the hospital healthy and happy. I could never hate my birth experience because, at the end of it I received a little miracle named Luke.

Two Becomes Three

Three weeks ago on January 20th after a long day and night of labor, Luke Michael Fox was born 3 days late at 10:25am at 8lbs8oz via c-section (more on that in a different post) and our family of two became three! Becoming parents was so surreal, even while I was in labor it still didn't seem like I was going to be a mom at the end of it. It wasn't until I heard his cry that I really believed that Luke would ever be here, but I am so glad that he is.

Since then, we have been adjusting to parenthood and a lot less sleep! Since I had an unplanned c-section, I spent four days in the hospital instead of two which was really helpful because I did not think I could handle our stairs yet. Brendan and our families was such a blessing especially during the first week because I really couldn't get out of bed even to use the bathroom without being in extreme pain. Before we had Luke, I knew Brendan loved me and that I loved him, but as I watched him interact with Luke and as he helped me do everything in those first few days, I really grew to love him even more. He served me so well by helping me with everything from getting out of bed and showering to bringing Luke to me to let me feed him and changing all of his diapers those first few days... He's still better at changing diapers than I am, although I'm quickly catching up. Whenever Luke went to the nursery for tests, you could usually find Brendan at the window looking at him.

For only being 3 weeks old, Luke is a pretty active guy. He likes to kick his legs and look around. He loves his swing, but is still getting used to seeing himself in the mirror. After around 1.5 weeks of thinking that day was night, we sort of have him on a schedule although he's still up every few hours to eat. He had some gas problems especially the second week which made him so uncomfortable that he wouldn't be awake without crying which was so frustrating for me that I couldn't make him feel better. After talking to some of my other mom friends, I purchased some infant gas relief drops to see if that would help and he has been a completely different baby.

He has already met both of his grandparents and gets visitors almost every day... he sleeps through their visits most of the time though. His favorite activities include sleeping all day, pooping... especially right after I change him, eating, and spitting up on me. Lately he's been going through several outfits a day and about 15 diapers... since I had a c-section we decided to hold off on cloth diapering until I was a little bit more recovered.

I have had a pretty difficult time adjusting to motherhood. Coupled with the hormones and exhaustion,  there have been many times in the past few weeks where I felt defeated especially  during the times when Luke would cry for hours and I couldn't tell what was wrong or calm him down. There was one day when Brendan went out to the store and Luke literally cried from the time he left until he got back 2 hours later and I just sat there crying and holding Luke trying to calm him down. Luckily, I have friends and family to encourage me and assure me that I'm not the only mom to feel this way. Despite the moments where I doubt myself, I have many more moments of joy and happiness as I watch Luke grow every day.

Time is already flying by and Luke is already over 9 pounds! He definitely is taking after his dad with his long body. He has trouble wearing some newborn onesies because of his long torso and ends up wearing a lot of 3 month ones, and his pjs are already getting a little short in the arms! I have a feeling he's going to be taller than me by about 4th grade. I am so happy that this little guy is a part of our lives now!