C-Section Moms Must Haves

Before having Luke, I scoured the web looking for the best list of things that would help me through the first few weeks postpartum. Most of these I luckily already had, but some I purchased later and am so glad I did! With the exception of two of these items, I feel that this list is essential for every new mom!

1. C-Panty by UpSpring Baby- My c-section recovery was rough to put it mildly. Everything hurt.. Sitting up, walking, even rolling over in bed brought on tears. I asked some other c-section moms what helped them and they all came back with the same answer: C-Panty! It has a layer of medical grade silicon over the incision site that really helps with healing and the compression helps with the pain, and helped a little with beginning to suck my tummy back in, think of them as post partum Spanx!

2. Infinity Nursing Scarf- this is my new go-to present for moms-to-be who plan on nursing. I have about 5 different colored/patterned ones that I bought off Etsy! Personally, the scarves were much easier for me to maneuver than other nursing covers. I happen to be a more modest when it comes to public nursing (in fact I wasn't sure I would ever be able to when I first had Luke!) and these scarves are perfect. Not only can I feel comfortable nursing in public, but I can add a pop of color to my outfits!

3. Belly Bandit- I totally doubled up with this and the C-Panty to help shrink down my post baby belly. It worked great, but within 3 weeks of wearing the small it was loose on me and I needed to go back and grab an extra small (which I'm not complaining about!)

4. CamelBak Eddy Water Bottle- this water bottle went everywhere with me the first few months. I loved the fact that it had a straw which made staying hydrated while nursing so much easier (because thirst ALWAYS hits you as soon as you start nursing.)

5. Boppy Nursing Pillow (with at least one spare cover)- I still use my Boppy every day not only to nurse, but also to put behind Luke when he's sitting up so he doesn't constantly knock his head on the ground!

6. Lanisoh Soothies Gel Pads- along with lanolin cream and a homemade mixture of neosporin, clomitrosol, and cortisone creams (recommended by a friend), these pads really provided a lot of relief during the first few weeks of soreness.

7. Fold Over Yoga Pants- with most pants cutting off right where the incision was, I basically lived in inexpensive yoga pants and maternity leggings for the first month or so post partum.

8. Gilligan & O'Malley Nursing Tanks- if you come to my house most days, you will find me in one of these tanks. They're super comfy and make nursing a breeze!

Third Trimester Wardrobe Essentials

So, I'm not great about posting a ton of photos of myself other than the bump updates while I'm pregnant just because I'm self conscious, but I figured I would write about the clothes that I have been living in, especially through my last trimester. As you can imagine, things aren't fitting the way they used to and being comfortable is becoming a daunting task as waistbands get tighter and shirts become belly shirts, so I thought I would share some of my go-to items to slip on and not feel like a complete mess.

{ 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9}

1. Wrap and Tie Headbands: I have always been a huge fan of headbands, and recently have discovered that I love the 50's style that you can tie in knots or bows. It brightens up a messy bun kind of day and keeps the hair out of my face when I wear my hair down at work... I'm sure I will continue to love them after birth too so I can keep my hair from being pulled out by little fingers! My favorite shops to get them are Oh Sweet Joy! and Mint and Arrows.

2. I got a pair of Old Navy Ankle Boots a year or two ago and didn't wear them all that much... I basically wear them every day now. They have a zipper going up the side which make them super easy to slip on and the little wedge heel on the back gives me a little lift that makes me stand with the correct posture... and helps me see over people's shoulders! I'm considering getting a pair in another color since they still make them!

3. I'm loving open cardigans lately because I can purchase the size I normally wear and will be able to continue wearing them after birth! They're great for wearing over dresses, with leggings and a t-shirt or just with jeans. I especially love the long knit one in the photo that I just picked up from Target! 

4. I thought that maternity leggings were stupid until I went shopping with my mom while we were in Connecticut. I was just wearing my regular leggings and slouching them under my belly... When I tried the maternity ones on, I couldn't believe how comfortable they were and had to buy some. Now I feel like I wear them every single day and am always contemplating going to purchase a few more pairs!

5. When I was home for my shower, my grandmother handed me a vintage red trench coat. She had bought it probably over 15 years ago when her and my grandfather used to travel a lot so she could layer underneath it. It's pretty big on me, but will button over my belly and still looks stylish, and I love the color so much, I plan on buying one in my size once I'm done being pregnant!

6. I love pashmina scarves in every single color. They add something to outfits and somehow make me feel like my they're drawing people away from my belly and causing them to speak to me instead of my stomach.

7. When I'm not wearing my ankle boots, I'm usually wearing one of the 4 pairs of riding boots that I own or my Hunter rain boots. On chilly days I like to wear boot socks with leggings underneath them to keep my feet and calf a little extra warm! They're also great for wearing around the house with Brendan's shorts and t-shirts since I have ceased fitting in my own. Some people insist on buying super expensive boot socks, but I find that the $5 Target ones work just fine.

8. So, I worked at American Eagle for about 5 years through high school and college. While I was there, I obviously made several purchases. One of the best purchases I ever made was a pair of slippers that have some sort of faux sheepskin stuff on the inside. When we are at home, I wear them all.the.time. They're the only shoes that I will actually get down on my hands and knees to look for if I think they've fallen under the bed.

9. Let me give you a bit of advice: as soon as you become pregnant, go to Target and get Liz Lange ruched maternity shirts in every color. I know you think you will be wearing medium instead of small regular shirts for your entire pregnancy... but you're wrong. Eventually they will just look funny. Get these shirts, they're inexpensive and will be the only t-shirt that doesn't either turn into a belly shirt or look like a tent after 30 weeks.

So there you have it. This is basically my uniform for the next 2 months! I've also had pretty good luck with sweater dresses and long sweaters as long as they're thin. I thought I would be able to wear chunky pull over sweaters, but was quickly proven wrong after looking at several photographs of me wearing those mistakes. I'd love to know what other things mommy-to-be's live in. :)

Sometimes, you just have to laugh.

So, this last trimester is just getting ridiculous for several reasons, but mostly because of my expanding tummy and pregnancy brain. Since there are tons of things that I am stressed about including childbirth (that's a big one), finishing the nursery, not breaking the baby when he comes home, and adjusting to the role of being mommy while not neglecting the role of wife, I've decided to stop getting upset (for the most part) about the little things and just start laughing my way through them and I'm hoping to give you the opportunity to laugh along with me and hopefully get a glimpse into why I'm acting slightly off if you see me.

First, there's this issue of the bowling ball size bump...

I'm constantly feeling like a turtle stuck on my back. If a couch is too soft, I can't get myself up. If I sit on the floor after working out, chances are I will ask you to help me get up. If I need to roll over in the middle of the night, chances are I will need to apologize to Brendan for grunting and groaning as I try to re-position myself.

As my stomach is expanding, I spend twice as much time trying to leave my house because I can't find clothes that fit anymore and am trying really hard to not buy things. Last Saturday, I put on a shirt that I thought would fit since it had been loose before I was pregnant. WRONG! I tried it on and looked in the mirror and saw that my boobs were spilling over the top and out the sides and it hardly covered my belly button. I.looked.ridiculous. ... and to add icing to the cake, the shirt had a big moose on it, which is what I felt like. I sat down on the floor in front of the mirror laughing so hard that tears were running down my cheeks... At first, Brendan thought the computer was making sounds, then he came upstairs to find me looking at myself thinking replaying  in my mind that part in Tommy Boy where Tommy is singing "Fat guy in a little coat..." Sometimes I get self-conscious about all of that, but for the most part now, I will just eat a second helping of ice-cream and laugh.

Second.. Earth to Kelly, This is your brain.

I really thought pregnancy brain was a myth... until I got towards my last trimester. I've always been a little less logical than my genius husband, but lately I can't even remember the simplest words or process very abstract ideas. It's pretty annoying, and I really have to think before I say things or do things. It's like my little synapses are constantly misfiring and my brain cells are having a bonfire! My clothes are usually on backwards, my keys are misplaced, and unless I put a reminder in my phone, don't expect me to keep plans because I will forget.

This is a look that Brendan has constantly been seeing lately

Here are just a few of the things I have done or said over the past few weeks that are embarrassingly stupid:

• Last week, we ran out of toner at work and were waiting for the new toner to come in. The pastor mentioned that if I really need to print something I can use the printer downstairs in the sanctuary, I responded by saying I would do that if I had a laptop instead of a desktop. He just looked at me a little funny... about 3 hours later, it dawned on me that there is a computer down there and I wouldn't need to carry my desktop downstairs.
• Yesterday morning, I called to make an appointment for yesterday afternoon at 3:15, somehow in the matter of 4 hours I convinced myself the appointment was for 3:30, so at 3:20 I got a call asking me where I was, luckily I was only 2 blocks away from said appointment.
• This morning, I was getting ready to head to work, Our door has a double deadbolt, so you need a key to unlock it from both sides. I put my keys in the deadbolt on the inside to open it, then turned the lock on the bottom inside to lock the bottom half of the door. As I heard the door click closed, I realized that I had left my keys in the inside deadbolt. Frustrated and running late, I panicked trying to figure out how I was going to get inside the house... about 20 mins later, I realized that I had put an extra house key in my purse and did not need to climb through any windows or break any glass.
• Every evening for the past two weeks, I have asked Brendan several times within a span of 20 minutes if he has fed the dogs. Apparently if he said yes at 6, the answer is still the same at 6:05
• Milk has been found in the pantry, cereal in the freezer, I look frantically for my cellphone only to realize I am talking on it, and I have lost several things that I am convinced house gnomes stole or my dogs have hid.

I'm at the point where I just have to laugh and ask for the people who are around me to have patience. I've never really taken myself too seriously and have always had a tendency of some "ditsy" behavior so I don't really feel discouraged by my forgetfulness, but I do worry that it's frustrating to other people if they don't realize that I'm not joking or playing dumb and that I really am temporarily (I hope) losing my marbles.

I'm hoping to have these dilemmas sorted out after Luke's arrival, but have decided that I will no longer judge moms who wear moo-moo's and their hair in rollers to the grocery store, or occasionally forget things... like their children (as long as they remember them quickly).

On a serious note though, if you haven't been pregnant, or even if you have been and somehow had this miraculous pregnancy where you felt great, loved being pregnant, never had symptoms, gained only 20 pounds, ran a marathon 6 months into your pregnancy, and/or were completely put together the entire time, I beg you, withhold your judgement of me or other women who had different experiences. 

Don't say that we've let ourselves go, because chances are... we haven't; I've had friends who are moms of two tell me that they ate great with one baby and terrible with another baby and gained the same amount of weight both times. Don't give back handed compliments like "at least you look pregnant, I don't even look pregnant" or "are you sure it's not twins?" or "you look uncomfortable" because even though we can laugh at our own jokes about ourselves, we don't need you to make them for us. 

I am excited to be a mom because I feel like that's what I was created for, but there are women who love being pregnant and I am not one of them. I struggle with body image issues, feelings of inadequacy, and stress over everything... and I have had a comparatively easy pregnancy! So, I ask you... if you see a woman struggling through her pregnancy, lower your eyebrows, stop thinking about how you would do things if you were her and pray for her. Be kind, compassionate, and encouraging and help her to remember that the life she is creating is completely worth whatever she is feeling at the moment!

Three Third Trimester Photos!

So, life happened, I got busy and neglected to post... for 4 weeks. I took the photos and everything except for week 30, but just couldn't find the time to sit down and write a post! Here is a recap of the past month: We had a fun trip to Washington DC with Brendan's parents where we went to Arlington and checked out the horse stables which house the caisson horses that pull the caskets during funerals. It seemed like Brendan and I both had a fairly busy week after we got home, but were able to spend some time hanging out together on Saturday. Sunday afternoon, my parents drove up from Florida via Myrtle Beach where they had spent the week celebrating their 36th wedding anniversary and they stayed with us until Wednesday morning. It was so nice having my parents around, especially because my mom made dinner when I was at work and I didn't have to cook! On Wednesday my parents and I hopped in the car and headed North to Connecticut for my baby shower, leaving Brendan to fend for himself with 4 frozen pizzas.

We had a great time in Connecticut catching up with friends and neighbors, enjoying the fall weather and foliage... and I definitely don't think that I followed the diet plan the way I was supposed to. I even got a pre-natal massage on Friday which was awesome since my back has been killing me!

My baby shower was a ton of fun, we had it at our favorite Italian restaurant in Cheshire, and got cupcakes from the same place I got my wedding cupcakes (they're amazing!). I'm so glad I was able to see my family and friends, but I just wish I had more time to socialize with everyone... and that I took more photos! I got tons of great presents and cute outfits, including Brendan's first pair of running shoes that his parents saved for us along with a photo of Brendan wearing them! My parents also got me a really nice camera so that I can take tons of photos of Luke that are better quality than ones I would take on my iPhone.

I flew back to NC on Monday and wish that I had been wearing running shoes because between flight delays and short layovers, I barely made it home. I was glad to be home though and we started our child birth classes last week, which have definitely made me feel more comfortable about my birth plan.

This past Sunday, some sweet friends from church threw me another baby shower. I will make a complete baby shower post later, but all I can say is that I am truly blessed to have such an encouraging group of people to do life with here in North Carolina!

Brendan is also in jump master school for the next few weeks, so I am going to try really hard to be a good quizzer because he will have a ton of studying to do! I'm also hoping to do some baby room projects this weekend, like finish painting the shelves I want to use for the changing table, frame some photos, and organize the closet!

Here are some photos from the past few week's festivities!

Our Trip to DC

Quality time with my favorite man... and dog

the only photos I remembered to take at the shower

Walking through cross country trails in Connecticut

Some photos from my church shower!

Baby Update!

I am almost one month into my third trimester (31 weeks down, 9 to go!) and for the most part, I feel okay. I'm a little more exhausted than the second trimester and sometimes if I'm laying down wrong, I get the sensation of blood rushing to my head. I had my glucose test last week and didn't do so hot, so I had to do another longer one last Friday (which I passed!), I also found out I'm anemic so they gave me a prescription for iron. I'm now into the part of my pregnancy where I have doctors appointments every 2 weeks until the last month, then I go weekly. In some ways, I'm happy about that because I like listening to Luke's heartbeat, but depending on which doctor I see, it's tough when I feel like they are criticizing how I'm taking care of myself since I seem to be gaining more weight than they would like me to (although I didn't gain any more weight between doctors appointments this time!).

Lately, I've been trying to hit the gym around 5:30 or 5:45 in the morning since I can't seem to fall back asleep after Brendan leaves in the morning (although the past 2 days I have failed to get my butt out of bed!), and it's really de-stressed me because I don't have to worry about fitting exercise in after work and can focus on making dinner and spending time with Brendan... an added bonus has been that I'm actually sleepy when he is now so, I don't mind going to bed earlier! Last week, while I was up in Connecticut, I took advantage of the crisp weather and walked old cross country courses I used to run in my area while taking photos of the leaves and trees every morning. I wish there were better trails in Fayetteville!

Ok so here are my past 3 photos from oldest to newest!

28 weeks and 2/3 down

29 Weeks and growing!

31 weeks and ready for a nap.

How far along? 31 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 23 pounds
Maternity clothes? oh yes, and how did I just discover maternity leggings?
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: not so much.
Best moment this week: The baby shower and passing my glucose test!
Miss Anything? not feeling like everything I eat is turning straight to fat
Movement: yes, yes, yes.
Food cravings: I have had a terrible sweet tooth since passing my glucose test since I refrained from sweets for 2 weeks
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: I feel like due to my short stature I look like I'm ready to birth triplets
Labor Signs: No, but some Braxton Hicks are showing up
Belly Button in or out? OUT
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: as long as I'm not tired or hungry I'm good... but I'm usually tired or hungry.
Looking forward to: finishing decorating Luke's room!

BONUS PHOTO: Still hopped up on sugar from my glucose test and trying to convince Brendan I need all of these candies to make up for not having any sugar for 2 weeks

27 Week Update!

So today is exactly three months from my due date! According to half these pregnancy apps, the third trimester starts this week, the other half say it's next week... so I will celebrate Luke's -3 month birthday this week and my third trimester next week!

Our house is really coming together, Brendan did a great job last weekend of hanging all of our curtains and photos and also toiled away in Luke's room putting up our wall decal! (I will post his room later!) We  had a pretty busy weekend with a visit from Brendan's aunt and uncle along with a baby celebration at our church where we were honored with 4 other families who have either just had or are having babies soon.

I started going to the gym at 5:30 in the morning since I am having trouble falling back asleep when Brendan leaves. He seems to especially appreciate this because it means I don't drag him out on walks at 7pm every night anymore!

This week has flown by! We had a little Halloween celebration at Brendan's work yesterday and brought Abigail dressed as a shark (she looked ferocious). Tomorrow we are leaving to spend the weekend in Washington DC with Brendan's parents, so I almost missed posting again, but thought that 3 months to go was pretty significant. I made the sign this week so it is unfortunately not as magical as when Brendan makes it, but it will do!

PREGNANT LUMBERJACK!

How far along? 27 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: gulp... 20 pounds
Maternity clothes? oh yes, although since I like larger sweaters anyways I can still wear a lot of the ones I have!
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: not so much.
Best moment this week: the baby celebration at our church!
Miss Anything? not feeling self conscious and running without peeing my pants
Movement: yes, yes, yes.
Food cravings: hot sauce and sour patch kids have made a comeback... I blame Halloween
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: .. I'm like a blimp
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? OUT
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: eh, I'm ok
Looking forward to: Washington DC!

26 Week Update... From a new house!

I'm 26 weeks pregnant and man, it's been a busy few weeks! I felt way too overwhelmed to make a board and update the blog last week but here is a summary of what happened! We moved into our new house over the weekend 2 weeks ago which was a ton of work, but we were lucky to have a group of friends who spent their Saturday morning helping us move our stuff, and by Saturday evening our old house was cleaned and ready for it's new occupants. There were a few things that I found really helpful for my move, so you can expect a post of moving tips coming soon... which will likely be added onto after future moves!

We were pleasantly surprised by the amount of extra work our landlords did to get the house into shape! They put really pretty new floors into the kitchen and painted over the ugly wallpaper, and they even spruced up the paint on the outside!  The dogs are loving the new place, especially their new back yard! So far, we've unpacked the kitchen, put furniture where it's supposed to be, hung most of our curtains, gotten our room and the guest room together and somewhat organized the garage. Even though we aren't completely unpacked, the house already feels like home!

The back yard!

The kitchen and dining room area

I'm feeling more and more pregnant every day. Someone asked me last week if I could see my feet, and I looked down and was shocked to realize that no, in fact, I cannot see my feet anymore! I'm getting pretty forgetful too, I drove all the way to the grocery store without my wallet last Monday and will sometimes forget to close doors to keep the dogs in the kitchen or turn things off... like the outside lights which are probably on right now (sorry Brendan).

I had my monthly doctor's appointment last Friday morning and it was not fun. I somehow managed to gain another 7 pounds this month and my doctor gave me a pretty stern talking to, put me on a diet of 1800 calories a day, and told me I need to not gain any weight between now and my glucose test in 3 weeks. I'm not an unhealthy eater and I don't overeat even though I am pregnant so I was pretty upset when I found out how much weight I've gained, actually I have been counting my calories and haven't hit the 1800 calorie mark on any of the days yet, so I'm not sure how I keep gaining so much weight. I've basically been in a tailspin ever since Friday second guessing everything I put into my body and crying irrationally... a lot. The good news is, I don't feel fat and haven't noticed that I have gained weight anywhere other than my stomach and ummm above my stomach. Usually when I gain bad weight, my face gets chubby. I called my friend Hunter who is a personal trainer and knows a lot about nutrition and she gave me some good pointers and sent me a meal plan to try out, so hopefully if I just tweak what I've been eating I won't turn into a cookie monster in the next 14 weeks. (WOW LUKE WILL BE HERE IN 14 WEEKS!!)

Yup, Brendan made my board again

How far along? 26 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: gulp... 20 pounds
Maternity clothes? ordered a few things online from ASOS.com... check that store out pregnant or not, they have a lot of really great staple pieces at reasonable prices!
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: this week I have been so exhausted that I think I have been sleeping better!
Best moment this week: finishing moving out of our old house!
Miss Anything? wine sometimes, sushi, and fitting into clothes!
Movement: yes, yes, yes.
Food cravings: hot sauce and fresh juice... not together
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: a lady in Target came up to me to tell me she likes my baby bump...
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? OUT
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I'm a rollercoaster.
Looking forward to: a long weekend with my husband

24 Week Update

I'm 24 weeks pregnant, which means 6 months down and 4 more to go! Apparently it's fall here, but the only reason I can assume this is because there are pumpkins for sale, and my favorite fall drinks like pumpkin spice lattes and apple cider are available... other than that it's still 80+ degrees and therefore, difficult for me to wear all my boots that I purposely didn't pack yet although not impossible, I just wear them with dresses!

This week we are still just packing away and trying to get everything situated for our upcoming move. I'm a little stressed about it because I know that I can't really do much lifting so I will be kind of worthless on Saturday. Also, I tried to clean the tub in the bathroom last night and found it very difficult because my belly kept getting in the way when I tried to lean over the edge, I think next time I'm going to have to sit in the tub to clean it.

Brendan and I had a pretty nice weekend. He was off Friday and Monday, and although I had to work, I was able to get out pretty early. We saw three movies over the weekend which is more than we usually watch in like a 6 month span! We saw Prisoners which has made me positive I am going to attach a GPS tracker to my children, Bad Parents which is not even worth commenting about, and Oblivion which I liked for the most part but sort of confused me.

I was worried over the weekend because I didn't feel Luke kick as much as I had been feeling the previous few weeks but after researching it, I assumed that he probably just switched positions. Anyways, he's back to his normal amount of kicking so I'm not concerned anymore. 

This week, Brendan decided he would make the baby board sign... and the annoying thing is it's a million times better than mine are. Sometimes it's frustrating because he is just so much better than me at so many things; But I take solace in the fact that he can't cook so at least I keep my genius husband alive so he can continue being good at all of these random things.

Yes, that's right Luke is the length of a foot-long hot dog... also known as a foot..
I wish I could eat a hot dog right now. 

How far along? 24 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 13 pounds total
Maternity clothes? nothing new, waiting until it's not 80 degrees
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: I need to stop sleeping on my back because it's killing me
Best moment this week: staying up with my husband past 8:30pm on more than one evening this weekend!!
Miss Anything? not losing my balance for no reason and not having bags under my eyes
Movement: yes, yes, yes.
Food cravings: apple cider, too much pasta, and hot sauce
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: I ate a basketball.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? OUT
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: stressed out
Looking forward to: getting this stupid move over with

23 Week Update

Hello! This week has been a little crazy for me between packing for our move, work at the church, and a project that has been taking up most of for free time at my other job. Hopefully this weekend we will get some good packing done so the move will go smoothly next weekend!

Other than boring work stuff, it was Brendan's birthday this week! We didn't do too much but we did go out to dinner and I will make him cupcakes when I have a spare moment, but he actually beat me home on his birthday! (I thought I would have time to make them before he got home) I also got my hair cut and dyed it back to it's normal brown, I like doing something different every once in a while but it's nice to be my natural color.

I'm hoping to have more time after the move to write a longer post, but right now I am way too exhausted, so here is the update!

How far along? 23 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 13 pounds total
Maternity clothes? nothing new. I actually discovered at Old Navy that they charge $12 for a maternity tank top identical to the $10 not maternity one... so I think I am going to try to stick to purchasing larger sizes and not maternity clothes
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: getting less sleep because of back pain and general insomnia
Best moment this week: Haircut!
Miss Anything? not feeling fat and ugly
Movement: all.the.time.
Food cravings: pumpkin spice everything and muscadine grapes
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: I'm huge.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? mostly out
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: stressed out
Looking forward to: getting this stupid move over with

Preparing to be a Stay at Home Mom

Why We Decided I Would be a Stay at Home Mom

If you had told me 3 years ago that I was going to be a stay at home mom someday, I would have laughed in your face. I had always imagined I would have children at some point, but I figured that I probably go on maternity leave and then find a day care or nanny while I continued to work, mostly because that's what my mom did and I turned out just fine! I had grown up with two working parents and had gone to a day care for as long as I could remember. I think that for me and my parents, that was the best option. I am an only child and I think I escaped some of the "only child syndrome" symptoms because I was always with other kids so I never really had trouble socializing. I was in a home daycare run by a wonderful woman named Paulette, she cooked lunch for us every day, had arts and crafts time, made sure we cleaned up messes we made, and let us be kids. For me, it wasn't any different than going to my grandmother's house for the day. In fact, Paulette came to my high school graduation party, and to my wedding, and my grandmother still sends Paulette a birthday card every year!

Reality hit once Brendan and I got married and began thinking about starting a family. There were several factors we took into consideration before making the decision that this was what we wanted. I was no longer making what I had been making in New York City, and good childcare would probably cost approximately the same amount of money as I would bring home which would basically mean I was working to send my child to day care. I realized how extremely lucky I was that my parents found the childcare for me that they did. I have heard horror stories of trying to find childcare providers in this area, and no amount of extra money I might bring home is worth putting my child in harm's way. Also, Brendan doesn't have a job where it would really be feasible to assume that he would sometimes be able to pick up Luke if I'm running late at work. We also had to consider that with us moving every 2-3 years, we would have to start all over with childcare providers every time we moved and that would create a lack of stability in having to have our children bond with another day care provider and group of children when moving that often is already going to be tough.The biggest reason why we decided I would stay at home though, is that we believe that the most important role that I have as a wife and mother is my role at home supporting my family there. This is the reason I transitioned earlier this year from working in insurance to working at our church. Life runs smoother when my number one job is taking care of my family.

Preparing Financially for Living on One Income

Once we decided that I would be staying at home once we had children, we knew that living off just Brendan's income would be difficult but do-able so, we decided to do some things to plan ahead. Most of these things are obvious and are probably practiced by tons of couples, but if you haven't thought of some of these, I hope it helps!

1. Putting my income into savings ahead of time. One of the first things that we did was decide that any money I made from my job would go into our savings account. This way, we were already used to seeing only Brendan's paychecks in our checking account so we would not be shell shocked when my checks stopped coming in and we'd have a little bit of a cushion in savings for unexpected expenses.
2. Living below BAH. For those not in the military, BAH stands for basic allotment for housing. Basically what it means, is that if you decide not to live in military housing, and get a place off-post they give you a stipend based on your location, rank and if you have dependents to pay for housing. We try to rent a house about $200 below the total amount we are given every month so that we can use the remainder to pay for utilities and internet. Even if you aren't in the military, I suggest setting a reasonable budget for your living expenses. Keeping up with the Jones is overrated if you spend all of your money doing it.
3. Nixing Cable and reading more books. When we lived in Georgia, cable and internet were included in our monthly rent and we spent way too much time watching re-runs of NCIS. When we moved to North Carolina we decided we didn't really need cable so we just got internet saving ourselves a few hundred dollars a year. We might decide to get cable once the baby comes mostly to keep me from going insane and to distract the baby if i need to take a shower or clean, but it was actually a really great thing. Brendan doesn't have a ton of time at night anyways and I felt more valued not having to split time between him quality time with me and us staring at a TV.
4. Aggressively getting rid of debt. Brendan and I are both lucky that we don't have any student loans and for a young married couple we started off relatively debt free. The only debts that we had were a loan that Brendan took out his junior year at West Point and a small loan for my car. Every month, we would make payments that were over the amount we needed to pay on the car while we had the extra cash to beat the interest, and we actually decided to this month to take money out of our savings and completely pay off my car to lower our monthly expenses. We also usually use our debit cards for everything except major expenses like new tires or plane tickets so we aren't spending money we don't have.
5. Committing to cost effective care strategies for the first few years of our children's life. When I first found out we were pregnant, I looked into ways to save money on the cost of the first few years of Luke's life such as cloth diapering, breast feeding and making our own baby food, and decided to commit to doing these things. While we would be saving extensively especially on formula and diapers, through our research we also found out that most of those are also more beneficial to Luke's well-being.
6. Spreading out costs of stocking up on baby items over the span of my pregnancy. Although cloth diapers in the long run are less expensive at about $500 from birth until potty training, they are expensive to purchase at between $10-25 a diaper and from research, a good amount to have is about 25-30 diapers. While I registered for some diapers, I have also been buying 2 or 3 a month at our local cloth diapering store. They have a 10% military discount two times a month, so I try to make sure I purchase them then. I also go to consignment sales that they have in the area every once in a while to see if there is anything I can pick up from those, although I haven't purchased anything yet because I always feel overwhelmed when I go in because I don't even know what I will need.
7. Purchasing less expensive items for the baby room and re-purposing pieces of furniture. Instead of purchasing an entire bedroom set, we decided to only purchase a crib. We went on consumer reports and found that the 3rd ranked crib as far as safety was extremely reasonably priced at about $160. Since we move so often, it didn't make sense to us to spend a ton of money on an furniture set that could get dinged up or damaged, so we decided to use and re-purpose some items we already had so we would be able to use the money we would have spent on that for more important items.
8. Finding a small part-time job that I can continue to do from home after the baby is born. At the same time I started at my church, my pastor's wife also approached me about a position that she previously had but could no longer do at an IT firm basically entering their receipts and reconciling their checking and credit card statements. It's only a few hours a week, and I can do it from home. I don't know how else to put it other than to say that I was extremely blessed to have this opportunity. I told my boss I was pregnant when I was hired and he had no problems with hiring me anyways even though I told him I understood if he would prefer to hire someone else. It's not a lot of extra money, but it will help with groceries or continuing to grow our savings once I stop working full time.

Mentally preparing to be a Stay at Home Mom

Staying at home will not only be financially straining, but I anticipate it being emotionally taxing for many reasons. Motherhood will be overwhelming and without having the support of family being close by and Brendan having long work hours, I know there are some days where I am going to end up completely drained. Also, I have always found value in having a job and have liked working, and worry that I might struggle adjusting to feeling guilty because I am not contributing monetarily. While there are few things that I can do to actually prepare me to begin this new stage in my life and know that no amount of preparation will truly prepare me, I have found a few things to be very helpful.

1. Reading and meditating over Scripture that reinforces the importance of my role at home. Verses such as Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 31:10-31, Ephesians 5:22-23, Titus 2: 2-5 have been uplifting and inspiring for me knowing that I was designed by God for this role. It has lifted some anxiety and I spend time every night praying that I will find contentment and fulfillment in knowing that I am doing what God created me to do.
2. Talking with other stay at home moms. I have several friends in this area who are also stay at home moms. By talking to them and listening to their struggles and successes I have been able to prepare myself for some situations I didn't even think about. Also, seeing these women serving their families selflessly day in and day out and the impact it has had on their children has encouraged me that this is, in fact, how I want to raise my child.
3. Talking with Brendan about our expectations. We need to continuously have a dialogue and discuss what he needs help with and what I need help with and how that will change once a baby comes into the picture is something that is so important. If our expectations don't match up, then one or both of us will end up very disappointed and frustrated.
4. Reading parenting blogs and articles. I find myself on Pinterest or going through Parenting magazines trying to read up on what to expect once the baby comes home. I know that everyone has different experiences, but I feel that the more I read, the less surprised I will be when something unexpected happens to us!

This post is not exhaustive and I'm sure that I will discover more things along the way, but these are the things that have helped me ease my anxiety and joyfully anticipate my new role. If other moms have any other tips, I would love to hear them!

Disclaimer: This post is filled with our personal reasons along with how we are preparing for the decision we made for me to be a say at home mom. This post is in no way intended to be condescending to those who have chosen to raise their children different ways. Every family has different dynamics, and every parent must do what is best for their family relative to their specific circumstances. My intent is to clarify our reasons, and give helpful information and suggestions to other parents who are considering doing the same thing.

22 Weeks and A Trip to Florida

So, I'm 22 Weeks pregnant, apparently Luke is the size of a spaghetti squash... that seems pretty big to me. His kicks are certainly big, especially when I'm trying to sleep!

This past weekend I flew down to Florida to visit my parents for a long weekend and see their new house. They basically live in a resort now with a huge pool, clubhouse, and tons of activities. The first day we did some shopping and I got a few new shirts for my expanding stomach, then we hit the pool... as soon as we arrived at the pool it started pouring which was a little disappointing, but I got to play a dice game with some of the ladies that live there. That night, we went to dinner at the club house, and I felt like I was the lame one. It's like all the retired people are on permanent spring break, they had a DJ that was playing the electric slide and cupid shuffle and all of the ladies were up dancing... meanwhile I was standing trying to stretch my back which was having spasms... role reversal anyone?

My parent's pool and clubhouse

Saturday, we went to Disney and walked around Epcot! The cool thing about being pregnant is that I went on a ton of rides that I hadn't gone on before because I thought they were boring and watched the movies in all the different countries that I hadn't seen... and it was fun! I even discovered that the Sea exhibit in Epcot has 4 dolphins that put on mini shows! Another great thing about going to Disney while visibly pregnant is that people always let me cut them in line for the bathroom because they're afraid I'm going to pee my pants. I probably ate more bad things than I should have while we were walking around the World Showcase... I had a strawberry tarte in France and then we went to the German Biergarten for dinner which was all you can eat, including a dessert buffet where I ate Bavarian Cheesecake, Blackberry Cheesecake, Apple Strudel and a mixed berry compote (in my defense they were small servings...). All I can say is I'm glad that there is no Cheesecake Factory in Fayetteville and I will be walking a lot this week and eating really healthy! Sunday, I got to sit by the pool without rain showers! They even had half the pool shaded so I wasn't dying of the heat. We went back to Downtown Disney at night and had dinner and walked around the shops where Luke got a Buzz Lightyear onesie, he's going to look so cute!

Dolphins at Epcot

Mom and I in front of Soarin (one of the rides I hadn't been on)

I pretended to be a Dinosaur at Downtown Disney

and a moose at Epcot

... twice

Epcot at night

Dad and I in Canada at the World Showcase

Can't wait to stick Luke in this sucker!

I had the genius idea of booking a 5:15am flight to get back to Fayetteville Monday morning... I will never do that again. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I was tired, or my hormones, but I cried the entire first flight. I just didn't want to come back to an empty house again, it was just so nice to wake up and have other people around the house to talk to. When Brendan isn't around, after I get home from work at 5 if no one calls me it's not uncommon for me to not even hear the sound of my own voice until I answer the phone the next morning at work.  Whenever I leave on trips when Brendan is gone, it's hard to jump back into my routine, I usually spend the first day or two just sort of drifting around trying to figure out what I should be doing with my time. Luckily, Brendan comes home Friday and the rest of my week is pretty busy, so I only threw myself a one day pity party and am over it now.

So, what has Luke been up to?

Before I left for Florida on Thursday, I had my monthly doctor's appointment. It was pretty uneventful, they just listened to the heartbeat which sounded good, and weighed me. I have gained 13 pounds since I've been pregnant which is good. The bad news is that 7 of them were the past month which means I need to stop eating as many caramel apples as I have been!

According to my What to Expect book and my baby apps on my iPhone, the next few weeks, Luke will be doing a lot of growing and gaining weight (up to 1/2 lb per week!), which means these punches he's packing are only going to get bigger. Right now, If I have a book or something on my stomach when he kicks you can see it move, which I think is pretty cool! I'm excited for Brendan to feel the movement because he had only really felt the baby kick one time before he left.

Thanks to Tracey who dealt with my photo needs this week!

How far along? 22 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 13 pounds total
Maternity clothes? my parents got me a few things, and my awesome friend Kelly is letting me borrow a bunch of maternity stuff! So happy to be able to put off shopping for another couple weeks!
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: when I do sleep, its nice.
Best moment this week: Disney!
Miss Anything? not feeling like a sausage in everything I put on.
Movement: my child thinks my organs are soccer balls.
Food cravings: pumpkin spice everything
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet:ughhhhh
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? mostly out
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy with a chance of tears at any moment
Looking forward to: Brendan coming home

Why We Decided to Move

So, as I mentioned in my earlier post this week, Brendan and I made the decision to move into a larger house at the end of this month. As I had said before, we absolutely love the house that we are in now. It's in a small neighborhood really close to where Brendan works on a lake. It's an older 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house, but the owner completely gut renovated the inside so it's really cozy. We have a fenced in backyard that has been awesome for our dogs, and we like the fact that all the living space is open. The kitchen has a window that opens into the dining area which is great for when we are entertaining so I don't feel left out in the kitchen, and the dining area and sunken living room are separated by a half wall so no matter where you are in the living space, it's easy to talk to everyone. Our favorite room is the living room, the walls are painted green and we love the stone fireplace and floors.

This is the outside of our house

This is a photo of our living room at Christmas last year

So, if we like this house so much why did we decide to move?

As it got closer to the time where we would have to re-sign our lease, and I got more pregnant and began to register for baby items, I began to wonder where we would put the extra items that came along with a baby.  The room that was once our office turned into the baby room which meant that we moved our huge desk into the living room, and since I will probably be doing some work from home once Luke is born, I began to try and figure out where he would be while I was working on the computer and realized it would be hard to even fit a swing into our living room without it being cluttered. Then I began to wonder where we would put bigger items, like a stroller... probably right in the middle of the entrance. We don't have a garage, so this week when Brendan was packing his army stuff, we used the baby room... which probably wont work that well in a few months. Basically we are bursting at the seams in this house with just the two of us and I can for-see it only getting worse.

On top of the space issue, there were a few other things that I was concerned about (I'm already a crazy mom.) The first thing was that our neighborhood is pretty small and off a main road, which limits my access to places I can walk and jog with a stroller when leaving straight from the house. This wasn't a huge issue, but it was something that Brendan and I both desired if we were going to make a move. The second issue was the dogs... while the open floor plan is great for us now, but there is really no way to section them off into a certain area of the house, and while I know that they would never intentionally hurt Luke, I get concerned that they might paw at him by accident and scratch him so it would be nice to be able to section them off into a certain area of the house instead of our only options being their crates or outside. The last thing that concerned me was the sunken living room, its about two and a half feet lower than the rest of the house. While I'm not as concerned about Luke falling down stairs once he starts walking and crawling, I am concerned about the fact that there is no railing on one side of the living room, just a two and a half foot drop off, and that the half wall separating the dining room from living room is the perfect height for a curious little guy to climb up. 

With these things in mind, Brendan and I discussed the possibility of moving. We had a few parameters we laid out. We knew we didn't need a huge house, just one with a little extra space in the right areas, and preferably a garage. We also knew we liked the location of our house and its proximity to Brendan's work as well as to my job. We didn't feel pressured to move so if we didn't find something that fit our needs, we were okay with staying where we are.

Over the course of the week, I narrowed our search down to 6 houses for us to check out last Friday on Brendan's day off. Most of them I found on AHRN.com ,which is a website specifically for military families to look for off-post housing. I like this website because not only can you do a search by your BAH (Basic Allotment for Housing) budget, you can also narrow the search down by zip codes, and certain features such as pet friendly. On Friday we set out and went and toured the houses. The first five we looked at were okay, but not exactly what we were looking for, and not something we were willing to move out of our house for. Then we went to the last house.

Come October, this will be our new home!

I actually found this house one afternoon when I was walking with my friend Tracey in a neighborhood near our houses. It had a "For Rent" sign on it, but I couldn't find any info on it online, so I just took a photo of the sign and called the phone number. This was totally a God thing, because the house hadn't even been officially up for rent yet because the previous tenants just moved out. The property manager agreed to show us the house, warning us it wouldn't be ready until the end of the month because they still needed to paint some things and make some repairs... which was perfect for us because we couldn't move until the end of the month either!

The house was in an area that was preferable to ours because I could walk more than 6 miles without getting to a main road. It's still on the lake, which makes me happy because for some reason I just love walking near water. The fenced in back yard has a 7 foot privacy fence all around it which is great for the dogs and will be awesome for next summer with Luke. While the inside isn't as quaint as our house now... it has some pretty bad wallpaper... it is definitely do-able and I'm sure we will be able to work around it. The big reasons why we chose to move to the house other than the neighborhood was the garage, and the fact that it had a formal dining room off of the kitchen that could be turned into an office and playroom, plus an added bonus is that the kitchen is spacious enough that if we wanted to gate it off, the dogs would have plenty of space to hang out in there if we want some dog-free time.

I struggled a lot when it came time to actually make the decision to give our 30 days notice and sign a lease for this house. I mentioned earlier that I really do like the owners of this house, in fact, when we moved in they had left some flowers and a bottle of wine with a note welcoming us and have been really great ever since. I kept asking myself if I was being materialistic since we had much more space here than some families could even dream of. Brendan and I went back and forth and ended up calling the property manager of the new house to see if she could let us take a second look at it before we signed the lease. Finally we made the decision and we gave our 30 days notice, and I felt like I had just broken up with a boyfriend. I couldn't sleep that night because I just felt so guilty... it's so much easier to tell people you're moving out because your husband got re-stationed than because you found a different house!

In the end, I really am excited to move, and right now maybe more excited to get this move over with! I know the next few weeks will be stressful with packing and then unpacking, but honestly I would rather do this pregnant than with a baby, so as long as I keep reminding myself of that I think I will be okay! Anyways, if you're still reading this, congrats! I think when Brendan is gone, my posts tend to be more rambling since I have less people to talk to!

Labor Day Weekend and 21 Weeks

Happy Fall! ... Sort of. It's still in the low 90's here and probably will stay that way for a while so it really doesn't feel like fall. We had a great Labor Day weekend, and hope you did too!

Abigail had a great Labor Day, if you can't tell by the look of joy on her face.

On Friday we woke up and had breakfast and coffee together, which is one of my favorite things to do... I make us a big batch of scrambled eggs with tomatoes, onions and cheese and put it on one plate with 2 forks so we can sit on the bench together and eat it! We don't get to do it a ton because Brendan works out and does a Bible study with a friend Saturday Mornings while I usually walk with a friend or go to a Women's Bible study too, and we never wake up with enough time on Sundays before Church for me to actually make a decent breakfast... Anyways, I really like breakfasts with the husband when we can manage to fit them in.

After breakfast, Brendan and I set out to look at a few houses... Our lease is up October 1 and as much as we adore our house, we just aren't sure that there is enough space for all the things that come along with a baby. It has been a stressful decision because not only do we love our house, but we also really like the owners (it would be so much easier to move if they weren't so great!), but on Saturday after finding a house that has just a little more space with a formal dining room we can turn into an office/playroom and a garage to hold Brendan's army equipment we decided we would be making a move. I will probably be writing a full post on this later in the week, but if anyone needs a cute little 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house in a quiet neighborhood with a fenced in yard, ours is available and I have a feeling we will miss it's coziness dearly!

On Saturday Morning, Brendan went to work out and I went to my ladies Bible study. This Bible study is mostly a group of young women from our church, we used to get together and run 2 or 3 miles then have coffee and a light breakfast while doing the study, but somewhere along the way, people started getting pregnant or something and we just skipped the running part. This week was the last week of the study we have been doing since February through the book of 1 Samuel and the beginning of 2 Samuel. It has been so wonderful to connect with other women on such a deep level and to be able to share in each other's burdens and joys. I'm excited to restart with a new book in a month or so.

The rest of the weekend, we really spent just hanging around and preparing for Brendan to head back into the field. We were actually up until about midnight last night making sure he had all of his equipment straight... well he was making sure... I was mostly dozing off on the couch and getting a few items for him when he asked.

In other exciting news: PUMPKIN SPICE IS AT STARBUCKS! I like pumpkin everything... the color, pies, muffins and coffee... especially the coffee. So this was a great way to start my Monday even if Brendan did leave again for another 2 weeks.

Don't worry pregnancy police... it's the smallest one they have.

Ok Bump Update!

is it just me, or does this shirt make me look not as pregnant? if so, I'll take one in every color!

How far along? 21 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: still haven't hopped on the scale recently. i'm guessing 10lbs
Maternity clothes? nothing new,but I told Brendan that he should probably expect some purchases next month... I tried to wear a sun dress to church this weekend, but it looked like a long T-Shirt.
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: not so much. I've had pretty bad stomach pains all week.
Best moment this week: watching a movie with my husband and him NOT falling alseep!
Miss Anything? sleeping and being able to bend down to get stuff without grunting.
Movement: Brendan felt Luke kick! He's been swimming around a lot more!
Food cravings: pumpkin spice latte... CHECK! and cheesecake... but I refuse to indulge that one.
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet: if you mean do I look like a bowling ball is growing out of my stomach.. then yes.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? I'm not sure, I am venturing more on the side of out...
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, but sleepy.
Looking forward to: Doctor's appointment on Thursday, Florida, and getting this move over with!