Are you new here?

I decided to write this post after having spent the past few years getting acquainted with the subtle nuances of Army life. I am definitely no expert, but these pieces of advice are what I have felt have helped me embrace this journey. I will say that so far, I am one of the lucky ones, Brendan has not been deployed yet and our longest separation has only (I know to civilians this is abnormal to say only right now) been six months. I have an immense amount of respect and admiration for my friends and those military spouses I don't know who have kept the home fires burning during long (and usually multiple) delployments.

Hi, you must be new,

I might not know you but I feel like I do. I was you only three short years ago. In the grand scheme of things I'm still new. I don't know everything, but I do know how you feel. You are probably miles away from friends and family (because Army posts aren't usually located in convenient locations). You might be in a new area of the country or even in a different country getting used to not only the culture shock but also the subtle differences between the civilian world and this new military world. You are doing this while your husband leaves you alone in this strange place for a few weeks for training or possibly for a 9 month deployment. I want you to know you're not alone; Even though you probably feel very alone right now. I also want to give you some pieces of advice that I wish I had taken from the beginning in hopes that it will make it easier for you.

Plug in. Plug in no matter if you're going to be there for 3 months or 3 years. Get involved with the FRG or ask your husband to introduce you to the wives of his married co-workers, get involved at your church. When we first moved to Ft. Benning, I was determined to steer clear of the dreaded FRG that I had heard so many horror stories about and was convinced I had enough friends and didn't need any more. I was wrong. Although we were only there for a year, I ended up making some of by best friends during that year. When you move somewhere and then your husband is gone for 10 out of the next 16 weeks, then for 6 months straight. You need friends; and more importantly you need friends that understand and that are going through the same thing. Don't believe what you hear about FRG's or other army wives, I mean you're pretty normal right? There have to be other normal wives for you to hang out with. Plus, when they say "it's a small army" they're right. Chances are you'll run into some of these women again.

Ask for help when you need it, give help when you can. Being far away from family can be frustrating and sometimes life doesn't happen when it's convenient. Babies seem to have a way of being born as soon as you move to a new area or while husbands are deployed, and things have a tendency of breaking as soon as our husbands head to the field for a week. If someone offers to help, accept it, and if you see someone in need of a meal, a lawn mowed or just a bottle of wine and a shoulder to lean on, be that person. You'll learn quickly that the army is a family and just as our husbands take care of their guys and we take care of our own too.

If you don't know, ask. There is nothing wrong with not knowing something whether it be an acronym (how are we supposed to know that DONSA stands for "day of no significant activity" aka a day off?) or what to wear to a social gathering (each unit varies depending on the preferences of the commander and his wife). I still ask a million questions about everything.

Try not to get angry with your husband for circumstances he can't control. It's frustrating after a long week when your husband calls you and says he has to go in on a Saturday, or when it seems like his phone rings as soon as you fall asleep and he has to get up and go back to work. Try not to get mad at him, chances are he isn't pleased about it either. Sometimes it's hard to keep things in perspective when we look at their training calendars and realize they will be gone more weeks than home over the next few months. It's hard to remember that chances are, they didn't make the schedule, and the importance of their training. It's something I struggle with, especially now with having a baby that misses his daddy and a mama that sometimes just needs a break, but when I get upset I try to remember that Brendan misses us too.

Don't be offended when you realize that your husband wants to deploy. This is a tough one. For the most part, our husbands want to deploy, especially if they haven't yet (from what I've heard the novelty wears off after the first time around). The way it was explained to me was: imagine training every day for years for a marathon that you never get to run. That's what they feel like sometimes. The fact that they want to deploy doesn't translate into, "I want to leave you behind for nine months," even though we sometimes can twist it into that. Our guys are a rare breed that take pride in their job of defending our country, so as much as we want them here you have to understand and respect their desire to serve overseas.

Always remember what it felt like to be "the new girl". The best thing about the military community is people are always so welcoming and it's easy to connect if you want to. I think this is because since we move so often that everyone remembers what it's like to be the new people in town. That mutual experience quickly turns strangers into friends and friends into family. So in a year or even six months when you spot someone looking a little lost and out of place, remember that you were them not so long ago, and in a couple of years you will probably be them again.

Don't get frustrated or jealous if some of your non military friends don't understand. Sometimes it's hard to explain for what seems like the millionth time why your husband is gone again, or why it's easier to reschedule things (like weddings) than hope the army will give you time off. Chances are if they're asking questions it's their way of trying to figure out how best to help you, so try to express your needs to them. It's easy to sometimes be jealous of our friends who can actually choose where they live and seem to have endless quality time with their spouses, but different isn't always better. The grass is always greener, right? The Army isn't forever. Eventually you will be able to choose where you live and will have time to spend together. Embrace where you are now and enjoy the time you do have.

Always make your marriage your number one priority. Unfortunately sometimes our husbands have to put the needs of the Army in front of the needs of their families. It's frustrating, and sometimes you might even feel like your husband is mentally checked out of the relationship and constantly in another place. These are the times when you must be the one to press into the marriage even more and remind your husband that you will be there long after he ends his time in the army. Often you might feel like you are giving more of yourself than he is, but that is what marriage was designed to be. Love is not a conditional thing, you cannot love someone because of what it gives you, you have to love them regardless of what they are able to give at the time. Although this is difficult, I feel extremely blessed to be in a situation that really shows me what unconditional love looks like lived out.

I hope that you will take some of this advice and that it helps you feel less overwhelmed. Marriage is great, and so is being a military spouse. You will get to travel the world and have the adventure of a lifetime with the love of your life! So have fun creating your memories and enjoy everyone you meet along the way.

22 Weeks and A Trip to Florida

So, I'm 22 Weeks pregnant, apparently Luke is the size of a spaghetti squash... that seems pretty big to me. His kicks are certainly big, especially when I'm trying to sleep!

This past weekend I flew down to Florida to visit my parents for a long weekend and see their new house. They basically live in a resort now with a huge pool, clubhouse, and tons of activities. The first day we did some shopping and I got a few new shirts for my expanding stomach, then we hit the pool... as soon as we arrived at the pool it started pouring which was a little disappointing, but I got to play a dice game with some of the ladies that live there. That night, we went to dinner at the club house, and I felt like I was the lame one. It's like all the retired people are on permanent spring break, they had a DJ that was playing the electric slide and cupid shuffle and all of the ladies were up dancing... meanwhile I was standing trying to stretch my back which was having spasms... role reversal anyone?

My parent's pool and clubhouse

Saturday, we went to Disney and walked around Epcot! The cool thing about being pregnant is that I went on a ton of rides that I hadn't gone on before because I thought they were boring and watched the movies in all the different countries that I hadn't seen... and it was fun! I even discovered that the Sea exhibit in Epcot has 4 dolphins that put on mini shows! Another great thing about going to Disney while visibly pregnant is that people always let me cut them in line for the bathroom because they're afraid I'm going to pee my pants. I probably ate more bad things than I should have while we were walking around the World Showcase... I had a strawberry tarte in France and then we went to the German Biergarten for dinner which was all you can eat, including a dessert buffet where I ate Bavarian Cheesecake, Blackberry Cheesecake, Apple Strudel and a mixed berry compote (in my defense they were small servings...). All I can say is I'm glad that there is no Cheesecake Factory in Fayetteville and I will be walking a lot this week and eating really healthy! Sunday, I got to sit by the pool without rain showers! They even had half the pool shaded so I wasn't dying of the heat. We went back to Downtown Disney at night and had dinner and walked around the shops where Luke got a Buzz Lightyear onesie, he's going to look so cute!

Dolphins at Epcot

Mom and I in front of Soarin (one of the rides I hadn't been on)

I pretended to be a Dinosaur at Downtown Disney

and a moose at Epcot

... twice

Epcot at night

Dad and I in Canada at the World Showcase

Can't wait to stick Luke in this sucker!

I had the genius idea of booking a 5:15am flight to get back to Fayetteville Monday morning... I will never do that again. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I was tired, or my hormones, but I cried the entire first flight. I just didn't want to come back to an empty house again, it was just so nice to wake up and have other people around the house to talk to. When Brendan isn't around, after I get home from work at 5 if no one calls me it's not uncommon for me to not even hear the sound of my own voice until I answer the phone the next morning at work.  Whenever I leave on trips when Brendan is gone, it's hard to jump back into my routine, I usually spend the first day or two just sort of drifting around trying to figure out what I should be doing with my time. Luckily, Brendan comes home Friday and the rest of my week is pretty busy, so I only threw myself a one day pity party and am over it now.

So, what has Luke been up to?

Before I left for Florida on Thursday, I had my monthly doctor's appointment. It was pretty uneventful, they just listened to the heartbeat which sounded good, and weighed me. I have gained 13 pounds since I've been pregnant which is good. The bad news is that 7 of them were the past month which means I need to stop eating as many caramel apples as I have been!

According to my What to Expect book and my baby apps on my iPhone, the next few weeks, Luke will be doing a lot of growing and gaining weight (up to 1/2 lb per week!), which means these punches he's packing are only going to get bigger. Right now, If I have a book or something on my stomach when he kicks you can see it move, which I think is pretty cool! I'm excited for Brendan to feel the movement because he had only really felt the baby kick one time before he left.

Thanks to Tracey who dealt with my photo needs this week!

How far along? 22 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: 13 pounds total
Maternity clothes? my parents got me a few things, and my awesome friend Kelly is letting me borrow a bunch of maternity stuff! So happy to be able to put off shopping for another couple weeks!
Stretch marks? Not yet!
Sleep: when I do sleep, its nice.
Best moment this week: Disney!
Miss Anything? not feeling like a sausage in everything I put on.
Movement: my child thinks my organs are soccer balls.
Food cravings: pumpkin spice everything
Anything making you queasy or sick: nope
Have you started to show yet:ughhhhh
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? mostly out
Wedding rings on or off? On.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy with a chance of tears at any moment
Looking forward to: Brendan coming home

Week 16 Bumpdate and a Renewing Trip Down to Georgia!

Hello! At week 16, I'm  finally starting to realize how quickly time is flying. In 4 weeks I will be halfway through my pregnancy, and then there will be a baby in our lives! I'm starting to get a little nervous, but I'm lucky to be surrounded by lots of other moms who are patient enough to answer my 500 questions per day. Lately I've been having a lot of round ligament pain (sharp pains in your abdomen from your tummy stretching), and also have been feeling pretty dizzy and nauseous. I think that the dizziness was probably because I didn't drink enough water on Sunday and Monday, I've been feeling much better today (fingers crossed!)

 This past week was pretty busy for me, I went to visit Brendan who is down at Ft. Benning (where we lived before NC ) for training and got to catch up with some of my friends! I couldn't believe how much had changed in Columbus even since we moved in October. They had really built up the downtown area near the river with a bunch of great new restaurants as well as put in white water rafting right downtown! I spent some time downtown with our friends, and got to spend tons of time with my friend Lyndsay who is moving to Huntsville, AL this coming week to take a position on staff with Young Life. This means we will have to find a new meeting place, I've heard Nashville, TN is nice!

Lyndsay and I by the river

the end of the rapids

 It was also really nice to go back to our church that we went to there. It always feels like coming home since it was the first church that Brendan and I really attended together, and because of all the hugs we get from our sweet friends! It was also nice because since I work at our church here, Sundays sometimes feel a little stressed if I think I forgot something or if several people need to talk to me about upcoming activities, so it was so nice to be able to go to church and have nothing to do but worship the Lord and grow in His word.

As much as I love our life here, a part of me will always miss Columbus and our sweet friends there. Luckily as it stands right now, we should be moving back there for about 6 months in a few years for Brendan to get some extra training!

And now for the Bump Update!

Thanks to Evelina who subbed in for Brendan this week in photo taking!

How far along? 16 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: gained 3ish lbs, although it actually seems like I lost a little weight and am around +1 pound from pre-pregnancy
Maternity clothes? my mother in law sent me this cute maternity top that's in my photo from this week!
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Sleeping A LOT
Best moment this week: hanging out with my husband and seeing my friends from GA
Miss Anything? having a rough week with craving sushi.
Movement: No, but soon I hope!
Food cravings: Spicy food, I put Siracha Sauce on everything.
Anything making you queasy or sick: bad smells and I've just been randomly feeling sick the past few days, I think I was dehydrated from driving home from GA.
Have you started to show yet: A little bump so far.. which is growing into a medium size bump
Gender prediction: Girl
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? it's in but its getting pretty shallow
Wedding rings on or off? On!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy except little things can make me cry, but they can be happy or sad things so crying doesn't always mean I'm sad!
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender, I can't believe that's next week already & feeling the baby move!

Like I said earlier, I seriously can't believe that this pregnancy is going by so quickly. It's also amazing that this little baby can already hear my voice. (I've tried not to sing because that might scare them) I've read that they can hear the dogs too, so it will make them less scared of dogs when they come home which is encouraging. I've even tried to put most of my conversations with Brendan on speaker phone so the baby can hear it's daddy's voice too!

15 Week Bumpdate and a Visit from my Parents

Hello! 15 weeks down and still chugging along! The past week has been a pretty busy week in the Fox household. We had a surprise baby shower at our house for one of our church friends on Saturday, which I will be dedicating an entire blog post on later this week, Brendan left for a little over a month, and my parents stopped by yesterday on their way to Florida.

Last week was crazy for Brendan at work and he ended up going in Tuesday and not coming home until Thursday night, and then he had to pack and leave to go down to Ft. Benning, GA for the next 5 weeks for a course, so our last week together we didn't actually see each other too much. Fortunately I plan on making two weekend trips down to see him to help break up the time we are actually apart. It's funny, I was talking to my friend Hunter last week, whose husband is also at Benning for a different school and we discussed how even when our husbands aren't deployed they still end up spending a ton of time away from home. Between IBOLC, Ranger School, time in the field training here at Ft. Bragg and this other school, out of our two years of living together he has probably spent 10 months if not more of them gone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but it's just funny how different our normal is than some of our other married friends.

The night before Brendan left we were able to have a nice dinner together and watch a movie (Brendan fell asleep during that part)

My friends down here are so nice and thoughtful. Sunday, which was the first day that Brendan was gone and usually my hardest day while I start to get into my routine of being alone, I was definitely not alone. After church, I went to lunch with friends, then went for a walk with a different friend, then went over to friends for dinner. I was so busy all day I didn't really have a ton of time to be sad that Brendan left. During the week it's pretty easy because I work during the day and go for walks with friends or have church activities in the evenings, then obsess over baby stuff at night, plus I really like reading books and usually do that for a few hours.

Last night, my parents stopped over in Fayetteville on their way down to Florida. They just retired this year and recently sold their house up in Connecticut and are on their way to starting a new life in retirement in the Sunshine State. I know it's a really tough move for them because our neighbors in Cheshire are amazing and like family, plus my mom's two brothers live close by in Connecticut, but they'll adjust... and probably have visitors at least once a month. Personally I'm excited especially about two things: 1) They will be really close to Disney and I love Epcot. 2) They have a lot of pools for me to float my pregnant-self in when I come to visit!

Here are a few photos from their visit:

My mom and I at their hotel

My dad more excited about the baby bump

Us in Downtown Fayetteville after eating some dinner

Of course they had to come to our house and spend some time with the granddogs, this is Abigail

and Carrie sits like a human.

And now for the moment you are actually interested in!

Thankfully my parents were here to help me take my photo this week (my Mom won the contest and it only took her two photos)... notice the bigger chalkboard?

How far along? 15 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: gained 3ish lbs
Maternity clothes? still 2 pair of maternity jeans and a top
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Sleeping A LOT
Best moment this week: tie between seeing my parents and seeing Kelly's face at her surprise party
Have you told family and friends: Yes!
Miss Anything? I really really miss sushi, and pepperoni, and soft cheeses, oh.. and wine still. I've started putting my cranberry spritzers in wine glasses
Movement: No
Food cravings: Everything I'm not supposed to eat plus fruit, pasta, and mozzeralla cheese
Anything making you queasy or sick: the smell of trash cans and for some reason after missing out on morning sickness the entire first trimester it's been showing up randomly this trimester
Have you started to show yet: A little bump so far.. which is growing into a medium size bump
Gender prediction: Girl
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In, although it's getting shallower.
Wedding rings on or off? On, although out of the two of them, I have a feeling that the engagement ring will come off first, its a little snug!
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy except little things can make me cry
Looking forward to: Finding out the gender (TWO WEEKS FROM FRIDAY!) & feeling the baby move!

So that's really it! I still feel pretty good although my back tends to get sore by the end of the work day, I think I need to remember to get up and move away from my desk more. I'm excited to spend this weekend in Columbus, GA with Brendan and my friends down there!

Lord of All

When I was a child I thought I knew who God was and the answer to “What is God?” My answer would have probably been “God loves his Children.” This is partially true. When I began my walk with the Lord, I was sure I knew God and the answer to “What is God?” My answer was, “God loves His people and is always faithful to them.” This is also partially true, but God is many other things too.

When I became a Christian, one of my mentors gave me a list of God’s attributes which helped me realize how limited my view of God actually was. Along with being loving and faithful, God is omnipotent (all powerful), Omnipresent (present everywhere), Omniscient (all knowing), righteous, unchangeable, and perfect, and that is only naming a few. When she gave me this list, she pointed out each attribute and excitedly told my why they were so important and kept on explaining the difference between religion and relationship with God. At the time, I was overwhelmed and just trying to get my head around who God really was and how he could be all of these different things at the same time.

I think that we have a tendency as Christians of choosing the attribute of God that he will bless us with, tricking ourselves into believing that we know better than He does. Often, our prayers come out as orders more than requests, and even more often than that we expect those prayers to be answered in the way that WE see fit. This is an indication that we might not know God as well as we think we do.

Last year, my husband Brendan was gone at a training school for what was supposed to be 2 months, but it kept getting extended and extended. I could only communicate with him via letters and was alone and frustrated.  At the time, I was a very new Christian and continuously told myself that God was faithful and that Brendan would come home soon, but the time kept getting pushed back and I became confused. Luckily, God had a way to show me what I was missing.

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

For the director of music. On my stringed instruments. Habakkuk 3: 7-19

When Brendan was gone, our church was doing a sermon series through Habakkuk. In the book of Habakkuk, the prophet is crying out to the Lord in frustration asking why evil was prevailing, and why God was doing nothing about it. Throughout the book this prophet is conversing with God who is responding to him and explaining to him what He is doing and will do to be faithful to his people. God showed me as I read through this book that Gods timeline is not our timeline, and God’s answers are not our answers but His answers are always better. He will work things out for His people in the way He knows is best.  He showed me that it is ok to come to Him in prayer and ask him to show us why He is doing what He is doing with respect and reverence. Sometimes it is not evident to us what is going on, especially if we are thrown into suffering for a period of time. The passage from Habakkuk 3 helps to remind me that no matter what our current situations are, God knows and has a way to sort it out; all we have to do is pray for Him to reveal his plans to us.

We will never completely understand God’s ways, but by praying during that time for God to speak to me and use His word to help me better understand Him, my faith in Him and knowledge of Him grew. When we seek to know and understand God and all of his attributes, we find peace and the world makes sense. When we try to separate God into different Gods then we begin to miss the point.  As I continue my walk with the Lord, I see my tendency to put myself at the center of the universe even as I know that I am not. I notice it in the way I read the Bible, looking for the passages that speak to me as if the Bible was written as “Kelly’s Book on How to Live,” when in truth the Bible is a gift from God so that we might know him; Just as Jesus came to so that we might know God. (1 John 5:20)

Unicorns do not exist.

Okay, so I've been toying around with the idea of writing this post for a while. My friend Hunter pointed out to me about a month ago that I am slightly intolerant to people who are not realistic. Aside from the fact that something I actually have said is "Unicorns don't exist, why does everyone live in a world that they think that they do?", I think she noticed my tendencies during Brendan's time in Ranger School because I wasn't even cautiously optimistic in the few days surrounding when I would hear from him that he would be coming home soon. Some people saw this as being pessimistic or that I didn't believe in Brendan, neither of those are true, I believe in Brendan and I am generally a pretty positive person, but the bottom line was, I knew that it was the Army and anything could (and did) happen.I feel that the most important asset that a military spouse can have is realistic expectations of what your life is going to be like. This includes periods of separation, adjustments, possible injuries among loads of other things.

Since Brendan was commissioned in May 2011, we have spent our time at Fort Benning where he has been going through training. While there were still lots of periods of separation (he was gone for over half the time we were in Georgia), the training has allowed us time without the possibility of Brendan being deployed which gave me peace of mind.With Brendan and I getting ready to leave Fort Benning and head to a deploy-able unit, I have begun to realize that having a realistic view of what awaits us in the future will be even more important than it was before.

 

The Pink Elephants in The Room

There's something I have started referring to as the "Forbidden D's" because there is never a good time to discuss them, but they seem to always sit in the corner of the room with us like a big pink elephant neither one of us wants to acknowledge. These two words are Deployment and Death.

Let's start out with the less heavy word: Deployment. We no longer live in a time where it would be realistic to assume that Brendan won't be deployed at some point without a high possibility of being completely crushed. As it stands right now, in December Brendan's unit will assume a role which will put them on stand-by for rapid deployment with as little as 2 hours notice. He tells me that he feels it's not likely that he would have to deploy that quickly, but I am guarding my heart and preparing for that possibility. The reality of Brendan coming home from work one day and saying, "I'm deploying, I have to report in 2 hours," is something that I don't think I will ever actually be prepared for... but understanding the possibility and accepting it is the only way I can cope with it if it actually happens. Deployments are something that came with the package of falling in love with Brendan, and we will make it through these deployments. There's this photo I've seen floating around Facebook from some of my friends that says : "I just love deployments!" Said no military spouse, ever. - I think that quote about sums it up. No military spouse enjoys deployments, but they endure them anyways.

Onto the real pink elephant... Death. I think that part of the reason Brendan and I never discuss the possibilities of deployments is because it's an easy transition into talking about the what-ifs that come with that conversation, the big one being "What if you die?" The fact is, that's a possibility. There is nothing I can say to ease my mind about that and nothing Brendan can say that would make that possibility any easier for me. The only thing that comforts me is that I'm not scared of where Brendan is going, I know he will spend eternity with Our Father whenever he is called, and that God will give me the grace I need to cope with that if he calls Brendan too soon.

    I lift up my eyes to the hills.
        From where does my help come?
    My help comes from the LORD,
        who made heaven and earth.
    He will not let your foot be moved;
        he who keeps you will not slumber.
    Behold, he who keeps Israel
        will neither slumber nor sleep.
    The LORD is your keeper;
        the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
    The sun shall not strike you by day,
        nor the moon by night.
    The LORD will keep you from all evil;
        he will keep your life.
    The LORD will keep
        your going out and your coming in
        from this time forth and forevermore.
Psalm 121 ESV

 The Dance

Sometimes it feels like Brendan and I dance around these subjects. There are moments when I know that both of us are thinking about these things but neither one of us wants to actually say the words out loud, and he will reach over and squeeze my hand or give me a kiss. I've come to the realization that that kiss or hand squeeze is much more comforting than any words that either one of us could come up with. He knows that he has my support no matter what comes to pass.

I know that our faith in God will pull us through any circumstances we are given even if we don't see the purpose at that time. There will come a time when Brendan and I will have to breach these subjects but it's not yet, and when that time comes the words will be jumbled and become unimportant in the grand scheme of things. The only thing I think I'll need to hear is "I love you and we will make it".

Amazing Grace

So, wedding and moving planning are chugging along here with less than 2 weeks to go for both. Life has been pretty busy and stressful. I'm in my last week of work and trying to iron out as many details for our transitions as I can. Brendan is in his last week of Airborne School which means that he is learning to jump out of planes and will jump out of a plane 5 times this week... what a great thing to do 2 weeks before you get married! He leaves at about 3:00am and returns between 6 and 9 pm. On an average day, we are able to spend around 1 hour together because of Brendan's sleep schedule... which means that during that time I am most likely harassing him about the wedding or our move.

Something that's more important that all of those little things we have going on in our lives is that last weekend Brendan and I  got baptized at our church! We were both christened as infants in our childhood churches, but feel that we are called to be baptized as believers in the Gospel, which we weren't capable of being when we were infants. At the church we go to during a Baptism Sunday, a friend will read your testimony of God's grace in your life to the congregation and then you are fully immersed in water. Water baptism illustrates Jesus' death, burial and resurrection as well as the death of  our old sinful lives and of being raised to walk in newness of life in Christ. The submerged body represents death and burial and the body being raised up out of the water provides a picture of resurrection and new life.

While baptism does not "save" you, it is a public proclamation of your faith in Jesus and admission of your need for God's grace in your life.

     What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.
    For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.
    Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. Romans 6:1-14 ESV

 If God can forgive us, we then are called to forgive others

 I feel like it's important for me to be honest and say that doing life together again has had its challenges, and especially the last few weeks, we have needed to give each other grace. When two people come together, their own selfish wants sometimes get in the way and cause them to butt heads... add in the stress of what my Army friends and I call "reintegration" after periods of separation, wedding planning, and moving? Well you have yourself an equation for stress, and sometimes people's feelings get hurt.

There is a song that we sing in church called "Come Ye Sinners" and one of the lyrics says: "If you tarry until you're better you will never come at all." I've always liked that part of the song, it's encouraging to know that you cannot wait until you've "cleaned yourself up" to come to Christ and that no matter how battered and broken you are if you repent and believe, He will save you. Okay, its much more than encouraging. It's amazing.

I've always had a tough time forgiving people without holding onto some lingering grudge, but as I continue on my journey with the Lord, I realize how badly I need to begin forgiving and asking for forgiveness. God doesn't wait for us to make things right to give us grace, so if the Creator of the universe can forgive us without waiting for us to clean ourselves up, why do we constantly wait for apologies from the people we love? Christ has taught us that He is love and that through His love for us by His work on the cross, all our sins are forgiven... if that is the case for us with God, how can we not make it the case in our own lives with people that we love and forgive them even when they don't ask for it? How can we expect God to forgive us from turning away from Him, when we can't even forgive people for the minor things in life?

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20 ESV

He Did More.

Brendan has passed the Florida Phase of Ranger School! He will be graduating and home on Friday!

If you would like to see his graduation, it is on Friday August 24th at Hurley Hill Training Area.. here is a map and more info

Best phone call ever!

Yesterday I waited from the moment my eyes opened in the morning until I resigned myself at 10:30pm to the possibility that Brendan wouldn't be able to call until Monday or Tuesday and decided I should try to get some sleep. As I was staring at the ceiling pretending to be tired, my phone rang from a Florida number I didn't know. The conversation went like this:

Me: Hello?
Caller: Oh hi Beeb
Me: Are you coming home yet?
Brendan: Yes

We talked for about 5 minutes about plans for graduation and how we were doing and then he had to go to let the other soldiers use the phone and I got busy letting our family and friends know that Brendan was coming home.

Facebook saved my sanity for letting the most people know

I am emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed.

Yesterday was probably the most emotionally trying day of my life so far. Before I heard from Brendan, my phone was going crazy with messages and calls of people wanting to know if I heard anything. While I appreciated their thoughts, every time my phone went off my heart skipped a beat and then dropped when I saw that it wasn't Brendan. I cried in Church, cried when I got home by myself, and by the time Brendan actually called, I was so exhausted that I couldn't even express any emotion. I mentioned in a previous post that right now I am stuck in two emotional planes: emotionally shut off or hysterically crying. Yesterday started with hysterical and ended with me being a zombie.

Today started the preparations for Brendan's homecoming... which includes: making sure the apartment is clean and the laundry room is ready to be destroyed, making the dogs look extra pretty, figuring out how to grocery shop for a malnourished man, and coordinating travel and graduation plans with family. I think I'm running on fumes right now.

I am just so excited to see Brendan that I can't shut my brain down. I feel the need to be in perpetual motion until the moment I see him or else I might explode. If I knew how to knit, I might have made about 10 blankets by now.

I was having conversation with one of my friends earlier and she could tell I was stressed and suggested that I take a break from everything I'm doing and just relax for a few hours... little did she know I had already planned out my entire day. Luckily, God had planned my day too and gave me the truth I needed to hear to still my restless heart.

After work, I went to a Bible study with some women from my church and they have been going through Romans. Today we looked at Romans 15: 1-13. Verse 13 really hit home for me and for what this season has brought to me.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13 ESV

We talked about how we often associate God with hope and joy and belief, but it's very difficult for us as humans to find peace by putting our trust in the Lord. By nature I am a control freak, so when things are out of my control it's usually terrifying and stressful; But this passage does not say let God give you hope, Paul refers to Him as the God of hope. He is a God of restoration, He cuts off things in our life that will make us take simple paths, leaving us with nothing but our hope in God.

Later tonight, I had dinner with another girl from my church and in our conversation, we were talking about her boyfriend who completed Ranger School last month. She was telling me about this hat he gave her that had all of these scripture verses in it. She told me about one phrase he had written on the inside, it said "He did more".

How amazing is it that no matter what we do in our lives Jesus always did more?

...

I've sat here for 20 minutes trying to think of what to say to conclude this post and can't think of anything to say that is more important than the truth that Jesus did more. It's something that needs to be said and repeated every day, several times a day, perhaps even all day. The sinless One suffered and died for the sins of all who trust and believe in Him.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. ² For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. ³ For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,^[ he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 8: 1-4

God has given me a place and rest that I can come to no matter what trials I am going through. I never have to travel far to get there because He always meets me right where I am; So as I wait for Brendan to come home I will be thankful to God for cutting off the simple paths that wouldn't have lead us into His everlasting grace.