How Did I Get Here?
At this time last year, I was newly engaged to the most wonderful man in the entire world and was getting ready to move out of New York City and leave my job to follow him to Columbus, Georgia where he was beginning his career as an Officer in the United States Army. I was so excited to begin our lives together that I could hardly think about anything else. So I packed up my life in New York and we set off for Georgia...
A little background on my life Pre-Georgia:
I grew up in Connecticut and was defined through most of high school and college as the girl that ran a lot... until I decided to take a "hiatus" that ended up lasting about 5 years. I moved to New York in 2009 after still licking my wounds from a failed relationship that had ended and began the process of really figuring out who I was and what was important to me. The same week I met Brendan I had landed my dream job in sales at a beautiful hotel near Central Park.
Now, I hadn't been in a serious relationship since I moved to New York and had never lived with or even considered living with a man before. Enter Brendan: we met on a train platform in Irvington, New York on January 28, 2011. He was finishing up his last year at the United States Military Academy at West Point and was captain of the triathlon team and smart and funny and honest. That first night, we just talked for hours. The next weekend he came to New York to go out on our "first official date" and asked me if I thought that we could seriously date and have a relationship. I told him I didn't know if it was a good idea because he would be graduating in the spring and I didn't want to get attached to someone who would just leave in a few months anyways. He looked me dead in the eyes and told me that he had decided to be stationed at Fort Bragg, NC instead of Fort Richardson, AK partly because he didn't think I would follow him to Alaska. At that point things changed a little bit. I had never had someone really lay all of their cards on the table like that for me before, so we started dating. It became clear pretty soon that we both were in love and he proposed about 6 months later on July 9, 2011.
Back to how I got to here...
It was such an exciting, but scary time for me. Not only was I moving away from all of my family and friends, the person I was marrying was in the Army which meant separation and not very much control over my life for the foreseeable future.
Once we settled into our apartment, I spent the next 2 months being a miserable person to deal with. I hated my job, was not interested in making friends and really had a lot of trouble seeing the bright side of anything. OH and I wasn't exercising and was eating the same as Brendan so I got fat. When I came home in December to have my first wedding dress fitting the dress didn't zip!
Luckily, by that time I had became friends with a bunch of wonderful and strong women whose husbands were in the same position as Brendan. We all loved being active and staying in shape since ironically 3 of us were collegiate athletes and after Christmas we began to get into a workout routine. Since then, I've lost 15 pounds, started running again, became a certified TRX instructor, and am working towards becoming a personal trainer. Oh.. and my wedding dress fits again so that's awesome.
At this point Brendan was just finishing up IBOLC (Infantry Basic Officer Leadership Course), a 16 week program for all new Lieutenants who will be in an Infantry unit. After IBOLC, he would head to Ranger School, (I just hyperlinked Wikepedia if youre interested on reading a little bit more about what it is) but, basically it's a 62 day(or longer) course that has been called the "toughest combat course in the world" it pushes you to your physical and mental limits... and your loved ones who are supporting you.We are only allowed to communicate via letters when he is going through the phases which has put a new dynamic into our relationship.
Although I had heard from countless women how hard Ranger School was on them, I thought that it would be fairly easy because I was used to living on my own from when I was single...I was wrong, its completely different living on your own when you're not supposed to be living on your own and then adding the fact that you can't even speak on a regular basis... Ranger School is awful for everyone involved and will not be something I ever look back on and think "Oh, it wasn't that bad..."
Right now, Brendan is still in Ranger School. He left February 25 (as I'm writing this it's July 17) and has recycled 3 times so far. We have had to reschedule our wedding and I have had to do a lot of growing up and soul searching. It has been a humbling and eye opening time for me. Supporting Brendan through this and every other trial we might have is more important than the perfect wedding, the perfect house or anything else that I could selfishly want for myself.
During this time, we have been able to grow together and seperately, and probably the most important thing that has happened is that we have learned to let go of our hopes and look to God. Before we moved to Georgia, we talked about our religious views and tossed around ideas of how we wanted to live our lives in relation to those views. Looking back, a relationship with God was not important to us, we were wrapped up in our life together and only really saw Him as a personal assistant. Once we moved to Georgia, I met some wonderful Christian women. When our men were in Ranger School together, we really started having alot of meaningful conversations that really helped give me an understanding of who God really is and why having a relationship with Him is so important. I got involved with a wonderful local church and feel like a completely different person. At the same time, Brendan was in Ranger School and had just recycled for the first time and had a 6 week break between when he could re-do the next phase. He started speaking with some of the other men he was with who happened to be Christians and began doing a Bible Study with them and reading any book about Christianity he could get his hands on. While he couldn't live home during that time, we were able to speak on the phone after 5pm and he was given 12 hour passes on Saturdays and Sundays and we began going to church together. I don't know when it was, but at some point... something clicked in both of our brains and we recognized the need for us to change how we were living our lives. Simply, we needed to put our hope and trust in God and not in fading, temporary things. Putting my hope in God and his eternal faithfulness has been the only thing that has sustained me the past 6 months.
You are a gifted writer, friend! I am elated that you are taking time to document His faithfulness to you -- 1. so that you can look back and remember (as we are a people that are so prone to forgetfulness) and 2. so that others can hear and rejoice with you in the work He is accomplishing in you and through you!
ReplyDeleteSo grateful for who you are! Keep up the blogging!